IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world with serious results for the environment, what do you think can be done to solve this problem, support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge and experience

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There is
denying
Rephrase
no denying
show examples
 the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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deforestation is very complex,
while
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held
be life
Correct your spelling
belief
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 that the logging of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trees
Use synonyms
 caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people occurs in many countries, there is
also
Linking Words
can
Correct your spelling
an
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 argument that opposes it in my opinion, I consider that
deforestration
Correct your spelling
deforestation
 has adversely affected the lives of everyone we know.
To begin
Linking Words
, with, should be on
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 to
put
Verb problem
pass
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 some laws to
prevenet
Correct your spelling
prevent
 the
cut
Replace the word
cutting
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 down of
trees
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
 through putting a
contract
Use synonyms
 between the
government
Use synonyms
 and who cuts the
trees
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, if the
companties
Correct your spelling
companies
 are committed to the
contract
Use synonyms
 that means it will
solve
Verb problem
apply
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reduce deforestation.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone or a company decides to cut down one tree to use through the
contract
Use synonyms
. The
contract
Use synonyms
 will see if you cut one tree you must plant three new
trees
Use synonyms
. Another point to consider, the
government
Use synonyms
 can put red zones in the forest to reduce the cutting down of
tress
Correct your spelling
trees
show examples
. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that there is a part
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
forest
Add an article
the forest
a forest
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 that you can use it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the people or companies use all of the
tress
Correct your spelling
trees
show examples
 in the green zone they should wait if they
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
 wait they can get
a
Correct article usage
apply
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fine
Wrong verb form
fined
show examples
.
for instance
Linking Words
, should be on
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to apply the laws.
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
, despite people having different views, I believe that if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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deforestation continues that will lead to the reduction of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tress
Correct your spelling
trees
show examples
 in the forest
there for
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
 it will
drope
Correct your spelling
disrupt
 the oxygen circulating.

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task achievement
Work on developing a clearer and more concise introduction that clearly states your position on the issue. The introduction could be more straightforward and less repetitive.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops one main point and provides relevant examples or evidence to support it. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and details from your own knowledge and experience.
coherence cohesion
Organize paragraphs so that each one flows logically from the preceding one, perhaps by using more explicit linking words or sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve technical accuracy by checking for spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors such as 'deforestration,' 'through putting a contract,' and sentence fragments.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which summarize the main points of the argument. This helps frame the issue well for the reader.
task achievement
The essay makes a strong case for government intervention through legislation as a solution to deforestation, offering a concrete proposal with the tree planting requirement.
task achievement
There is a good attempt to address a complex issue, and multiple solutions are proposed, which shows an understanding of the multifaceted nature of deforestation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deforestation
  • sustainable living
  • ecosystem balance
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • illegal logging
  • land clearing
  • afforestation
  • reforestation
  • agroforestry
  • conservation efforts
  • economic incentives
  • technological innovations
  • forest management
What to do next:
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