IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

In many developed countries, average life expectancy is steadily increasing.
Although
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this
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 trend reflects development in
healthcare
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 and living standards, there are possible challenges for both the community and individuals.
This
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 essay will discuss some problems caused by
society
Use synonyms
 and give possible measures that can reduce the impacts of ageing populations. One of the possible issues for individuals is financial difficulty in old age. After retirement, the majority of
people
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 stop working, but still need money for daily expenses and health care.
As a result
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, they depend on
society
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 or family members. Another problem is poor fitness. Elderly
people
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 are more likely to suffer from long-term illnesses, which can make their lives uncomfortable and less active. For
society
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, long ageing creates pressure on the
healthcare
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 system and pension funds. The government need to spend more money on hospitals, medicines and pensions. At the same time, fewer young
people
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 are working and paying taxes, which can slow down economic growth and cause labour shortages. To reduce population ageing, governments should take several measures. One of the solutions is to increase retirement age , so
people
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 have to work longer ;
as a result
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, they can support themselves with money for
healthcare
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 problems. Another important step is encouraging healthy lifestyles
,
Punctuation problem
;
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as a result
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,
people
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 must do regular exercise and a balanced diet to reduce health problems in old age. In conclusion,
however
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, there are possible developments in
healthcare
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,
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;
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 long ageing
also
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 brings challenges to both individuals and
society
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. With suitable government policies and health programs, the negative effects of long ageing can be reduced.

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. You talk about problems and steps, but some ideas are short.
task response
Give one clear example for a problem and one for a measure.
task response
Explain ideas more. For example, say how a higher retirement age helps the country and the person.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Do not use 'as a result' too many times.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one clear main idea and then support it.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice in the topic sentence. 'problems caused by society' is not clear here.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are easy to follow in general.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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