IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

1.) Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages without these skills? And What actions should governments take?

#access #education #people #skills #actions #governments
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It appears that nowadays in spite of the growth
access
Change preposition
in access
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
, a great number of citizens
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
 unable to read or write. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, drawbacks and actions will be discussed in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
detail. There are several disadvantages that the
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
are more
Verb problem
is
show examples
easily
Replace the word
easier
show examples
 to get
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 some people still lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
linguistic skills.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the most of appropriate careers may require expert skills performance employees
such
Linking Words
 as
lawyer
Fix the agreement mistake
lawyers
show examples
,
physician
Fix the agreement mistake
physicians
show examples
 or
diplomat
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomats
show examples
. For
these
Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
show examples
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 literacy ability is instrumental in common expertise for the individual who
discover
Correct subject-verb agreement
discovers
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
greater employment opportunities. Another point to consider is that if
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 cannot read or write in
normally
Change the adverb
normal
show examples
 life, it will be an essentially national social problem.
This
Linking Words
 is because participants who
non-knowledge
Fix the agreement mistake
lack knowledge of
show examples
 probability contribute to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 convinced simply by the scammer,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent study from the faculty of Economics at Havard University, mentioning 80 out of 100 U.S. The population tend to be highly
decieved
Correct your spelling
deceived
 if they don’t have a generally eligible talent.
This
Linking Words
 growing tendency has several possible
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
 which
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should tackle (which the government should ameliorate fundamental education.) First of all, the national law
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
should bolster
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fundamental education.
For instance
Linking Words
 to enforce the law
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children under the legal have to get in the
school
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 elementary
school
Use synonyms
 until graduation in high
school
Use synonyms
. On top of
this
Linking Words
, In every classroom productive may have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 competence.
For example
Linking Words
, training
implement
Wrong verb form
is implemented
show examples
 for teachers,
moreover
Linking Words
 testing knowledge of master and
school
Use synonyms
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
every
Add a missing verb
is every
show examples
 half year.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 unable to literacy may bring several disadvantages including finding
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 job or easily
trust
Wrong verb form
trusting
show examples
robber
Correct article usage
a robber
show examples
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it has serious
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 to tackle. I strongly suggest that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should consider
other alternative
Change the wording
another alternative
other alternatives
show examples
 to action with
these issue
Change the determiner
this issue
these issues
show examples
, educational campaigns which are more sustainable ways.
Submitted by amittawin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to structure your ideas more logically to create a clearer flow in your writing.
task achievement
Provide more clear and comprehensive ideas; ensure each point is fully explained with examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Enhance the strength of your examples by ensuring they are clearly relevant and fully explained.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task, discussing both the disadvantages of illiteracy and actions that governments can take.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: