some say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To extent do you agree?
Some people assert that
music
is an effective method to nurture Use synonyms
individuals
from diverse cultures and ages together. I strongly disagree with Use synonyms
this
notion, considering its ineffectiveness in enhancing long-term mutual understanding.
First and foremost, one compelling advantage of the approach is that, without ideological activities Linking Words
such
as exchanging religious practices, an approach using Linking Words
music
promotes Use synonyms
overall
mutual understanding among Linking Words
individuals
. Specifically, in South America, traditional Use synonyms
music
and dance become a large portion of intangible culture. Use synonyms
In addition
, these activities can play a pivotal role in interacting with Linking Words
individuals
in Use synonyms
society
. Use synonyms
Hence
, lectures on Linking Words
such
traditions can offer enlightening experiences to people from different roots. Linking Words
As a result
, it has the potential to enhance harmony in Linking Words
society
, ultimately leading to an inclusive Use synonyms
society
.
Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, one grave concern regarding Linking Words
this
method is that it is more likely to be superficial for Linking Words
individuals
, as they do not consider other cultures and tackle social issues seriously. Use synonyms
As a result
, to pursue an inclusive Linking Words
society
, Use synonyms
the
education may not promote what Correct article usage
apply
society
desires. Use synonyms
Therefore
, offering classes regarding high-priority issues, Linking Words
such
as wars brought about by cultural gaps and discrimination across the world, is more advantageous in enhancing the authentic value of mutual understanding. Linking Words
This
is because these lectures raise awareness of international connections, leading to an opportunity for communities to gain a deeper appreciation for each culture. Linking Words
Thus
, addressing pressing issues associated with human rights is more beneficial for Linking Words
society
in fostering mutual respect.
In conclusion, in my opinion, Use synonyms
although
providing Linking Words
music
can serve as education, Use synonyms
society
may find it challenging to achieve its primary objectives. Use synonyms
On the other hand
, handling complicated problems associated with human rights among diverse Linking Words
individuals
is more effective in attaining an inclusive and equitable Use synonyms
society
.Use synonyms
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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are balanced and clearly outline your main argument and final thoughts. While your essay has a strong conclusion, repeating the main points and thesis can strengthen it.
coherence and cohesion
Consider connecting your points more explicitly with transitional phrases or sentences to improve the logical flow of the essay. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Illustrate your arguments with more specific examples or case studies to strengthen the validity of your claims and make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive response to the prompt and logically argues against the notion that music is an effective method to bring people together.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear framework for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are supported with relevant arguments, particularly the idea that music is superficial for long-term mutual understanding and the alternative suggestion about human rights education.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.