IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Companies invest millions of dollars in advertising to persuade consumers to buy their products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages for the consumer? Inabat

#companies #millions #dollars #consumers #products #outweigh #consumer #inabat
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Today,
companies
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 spend millions of dollars on advertising to make
people
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 buy their
products
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. Advertising can be helpful because it gives information about
products
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 and services.
However
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, it
also
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 has
disadvantages
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,
such
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 as manipulation and higher
prices
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the
advantages
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 and
disadvantages
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 of advertising. One of the main
advantages
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 of advertising is that it helps
people
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 learn about
products
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. It tells consumers about
prices
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, features, and discounts, which helps them make better choices.
For example
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, if someone is looking for a phone, advertisements can show them different models and their
prices
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. Another benefit is that advertising creates competition between
companies
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. When
companies
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 compete, they often improve their
products
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 and lower
prices
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 to attract more buyers, which benefits consumers.
On the other hand
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, advertising has
disadvantages
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. Some advertisements try to manipulate
people
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 by making
products
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 look better than they really are.
For example
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, they show perfect lifestyles and promise happiness if you buy their product, which is often not true. Another problem is that advertising is very expensive for
companies
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. To cover these costs, they often raise the
prices
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 of their
products
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.
As a result
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, consumers pay more for heavily advertised items. In conclusion, advertising has both
advantages
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 and
disadvantages
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. It provides useful information and encourages competition, but it can
also
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 mislead
people
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 and increase
prices
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.
Overall
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, the
disadvantages
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 may outweigh the
advantages
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, especially when advertising becomes manipulative. It is important for
companies
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 to use advertising in an honest and fair way.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to enhance your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Although your ideas are clear, try to elaborate on your points with more depth and insight.
task achievement
Aim for a more critical analysis of both sides of the argument to display a higher level of engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a good logical flow, adding more linking devices could further improve the cohesion between your paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a solid introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well supported and developed with relevant information.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of both the advantages and disadvantages of advertising, presenting a comprehensive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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