IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#air #travel #benefit #people #world #advantage #development
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It is indisputable that
air
travel
 benefits the wealthy.
However
,
while
 rich individuals can take full advantage of
air
travel
, I disagree with the idea that ordinary
people
 cannot benefit from its development. For those with substantial wealth,
time
 is money. They are willing to pay for expensive tickets at convenient times,
such
 as direct
flights
, rather than opting for red-eye
flights
 with layovers. Wealthy
people
 do not need to worry about the cost of flight tickets when choosing the most ideal
travel
 itinerary.
Additionally
, they often book first-class or business-class
flights
, which offer the highest quality of service.
This
 includes exclusive perks before departure, during the flight, and after arrival. For the wealthiest individuals, some companies even offer services that allow them to check in their luggage from home, saving them valuable
time
.
Moreover
, they can use fast-track services at airports,
further
 reducing the
time
 spent in queues. In short, they pay for efficiency, flexibility, and luxury.
On the other hand
, I disagree with the notion that less affluent
people
 cannot benefit from
air
travel
.
While
 they may have to spend more
time
 waiting for cheaper
flights
, they can still enjoy the advantages of
air
travel
 by being cost-effective. Budget airlines, which are accessible to the general population, provide affordable options. Many ordinary
people
 choose indirect
flights
 with layovers to save money. In some cases, these layovers offer opportunities to explore new destinations, enriching their
travel
 experience.
As a result
, they can expand their horizons, manage their finances more wisely, and allocate more funds for other aspects of
travel
.
Therefore
, they make the most of
air
travel
 by investing in experiences rather than luxury. In conclusion,
while
 the wealthiest
people
 benefit from
air
travel
 in terms of convenience and luxury, ordinary
people
 can
also
 take advantage by being resourceful, managing their
time
 and finances wisely, and gaining valuable experiences.
Submitted by roy0302l on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Consider using more linking words or phrases to enhance coherence, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Meanwhile.'
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or data to bolster your arguments. For example, citing specific budget airlines or recent trends in airfare pricing could strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
Clarify some of the examples you provide. For instance, you mention wealthy people skipping red-eye flights. It might help to briefly elaborate on why these flights are less desirable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task and provided a balanced argument, which directly responds to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
The examples you have provided effectively support your main points and help elucidate your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessible
  • democratised
  • low-cost carriers
  • budget airlines
  • globalization
  • international trade
  • luxury experiences
  • affordable flights
  • cultural exchange
  • environmental impact
  • eco-friendly
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