IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say the fashion industry is bad for the environment, as it encourages consumers to buy new clothes all the time. Do you agree or disagree?

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A group of people believe that the fashion industry has a negative effect on the
environment
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 because it leads populations to consumerism. I Subscribe to
this
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 perspective inasmuch as producing the garments items needs ingredients that are from farming, the main threat to the
environment
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, and buying too many things creates a throwaway society. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really essential is that when the requirement for new models of clothes increases, the number of farms that grow domestic animals and cotton climbs.
As a result
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, the massive sections of forests, which are the main habitats of biodiversity, become extinct for developing the sectors of farms.
In addition
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, domestic animals that produce leather,
such
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 as cows emit a majority of greenhouse gases , which intensify global warming.
On the other hand
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, the fashion industries have a lot of waste
due to
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 the fact that they encourage people to throw out their old clothes and fill their closets with the buy fashionable items.
Thereafter
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, if the governments can replace these garments, they are able to save the
environment
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 from annihilation. If not the authorities have to carry them to landfills they can impact the
environment
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; in fact, they need too much time to decompose.
To conclude
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, in my personal opinion, deforestation is a result of growing particular planets or harmful animals for the material of fashion companies.
Moreover
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, throwing out the extra clothes every time has an adverse influence on the Earth.
Consequently
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, the various methods of wearing are not eco-friendly.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and consistent response to the question, with a well-structured introduction and conclusion. However, providing more specific examples to support your points could enhance the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
While the main argument is effectively structured and logically presented, ensure each point is fully developed. Using connectors more effectively can help improve cohesion across paragraphs.
task achievement
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly aligning with the task response.
coherence cohesion
The argument is logically structured, contributing positively to coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant reasoning, demonstrating your understanding of the topic. Further integration of specific examples will enhance the depth of analysis.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast fashion
  • mass production
  • environmental degradation
  • textile industry
  • water pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • synthetic fibers
  • buy-and-discard culture
  • landfill
  • decompose
  • sustainable fashion
  • eco-friendly
  • natural resources
  • chemical treatment
  • second-hand stores
  • thrift stores
  • fashion consumption
  • ecological impact
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