Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination, but others think there are more important factors. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some individuals contend that an
individuals
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individual's
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self-
effort
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effort
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is the most important thing in their
life
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and they can feel unfilled with their
life
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without working hard. In my opinion, I agree that working is the key to a successful
life
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however
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, individuals who defend
this
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argument must consider that work is not the only thing that matters in
real-
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real life
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life
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and there are far more significant priorities
such
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as family and friendship. On the one hand, it is a fact that working hard provides to live a successful
life
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and without putting enough
effort
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to
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into
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some jobs or goals in our
life
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sometimes ends with regret. A
person
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must work hard to not feel regret. To better illustrate when a student
procastinates
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procrastinates
procrastinate
studying and does not put enough
effort
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into his/her exam, he/she will probably fail in exam and that causes sadness and
regretness
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regrets
regretless
. To prevent these unwanted situations from happening a
person
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needs to take time for work.
On the other hand
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, a
life
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that just ended
to
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apply
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working is
also
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not healthy. Balance is everything and if a
person
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neglects their other responsibilities or priorities
such
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as family and friends, unwanted situations can occur in their social relationship whether he/she is a very hardworking
person
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.
Moreover
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, these undesirable conditions may affect an individual's working
life
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negatively.
For example
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, I did not see any successful
person
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who neglects his/her other responsibilities and social relationships.
To sum up
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, I would agree that putting in enough
effort
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is key to maintaining a successful
life
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however
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, there are far more important cases rather than working hard.
Submitted by yusufpacaci1863 on

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General
Try to clarify your ideas by using more specific examples and explanations. Some points in the essay seem vague and need further elaboration to improve comprehension.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph deals with a single idea supported by examples. Also, make sure to connect your ideas clearly with transition phrases.
Task Response
For a full response to the task, establish a clear stance and have both positive and negative points evaluated with equal weight. Provide a comprehensive view that is well-developed throughout the essay.
Structure
The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame the discussion well.
Task Achievement
The writer makes a commendable attempt to balance both perspectives regarding hard work and other significant factors in life.
Support and evidence
The writer uses relevant examples, such as the procrastinating student, which helps exemplify the argument about hard work.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • grit
  • achievements
  • dedication
  • transformative
  • socio-economic status
  • networking
  • opportunity
  • circumstances
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • subjective
  • intrinsic traits
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