IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Modern technology is being used more and more in different aspects of our lives, such as education. Do the advantages of using technology as an educational tool outweigh its disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#technology #aspects #lives #education #tool
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Nowadays, technology has been improved and is being used in various aspects of our lives,
such
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 as education.
Although
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this
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 development could impact students' interaction with their peers, I believe it provides a massive benefit for both tutors and learners.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt that we can find information in various fields of study on the Internet.
This
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 great possibility does not depend on where are you from or what time is
this
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. Everyone can access their demands with a few searches on websites or social media on their laptop or cell phone, no one can refuse
this
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 opportunity.
Additionally
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, tutors are online and could help by giving useful guidance and instructions. It was proved especially when schools were closed because of the coronavirus and parents were really worried about the education of their children. But technology has come across
this
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 situation and has cleared many concerns
However
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, nothing is complete without its drawbacks. Many people complain that
this
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 virtual world has made some difficulties for the students as they are busy with their network many hours a day and they do not have enough time to be in touch with the real world. Maybe some individuals find
this
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 a threat to the children's health for both mental and physical aspects sitting down on a chair so much, not having outdoor activities and of course loss of their real connections with family and friends. In conclusion,
also
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 there are some stumbling blocks to overusing technology in the field of science, I would say the favourable qualities of
this
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 modern achievement definitely outweigh the negative impacts as it provides wide access to information regardless of any condition.
Submitted by zuhrakhirie1997 on

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task achievement
Make sure to address both advantages and disadvantages more equally. While you provided a thorough explanation of the advantages, further elaboration on the disadvantages with specific examples could enhance the balance of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between ideas in your paragraphs to enhance the flow. This will guide the reader more effectively through your argument and make the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear conclusion, reinforcing how the advantages of technology as an educational tool outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Your essay offers a complete response to the task and the ideas are clear and comprehensive, which supports a well-argued and relevant position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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