IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many major cities around the world have become too expensive for lower-income people to reside in. What problems does this cause, and how can they be solved? Fatima

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Many metropolis cities around the world have become too expensive for
people
Use synonyms
 with low
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. The main problem
this
Linking Words
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 is a lower
income
Use synonyms
 and the most beneficial solution is
exceed
Fix the infinitive
to exceed
show examples
income
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and help with
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 from the state. The principal problem is that
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 in simple professions are earning the low
salary
Use synonyms
. The fact that many
people
Use synonyms
 do not appreciate workers who
work
Use synonyms
 at
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
, shops,
libraries
Correct word choice
and libraries
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 why they are earning lower
income
Use synonyms
 for their
reside in
Wrong verb form
residence
show examples
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 are afraid to ask their boss to exceed their
salary
Use synonyms
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 more hours than
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 less but their
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
income
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Egypt
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have any residents, all the population are workers from
Add an article
the hotel
show examples
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
. There are live just staff from another country.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 most
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 are from Russia and Kazakhstan. It
is show
Change the verb form
is shown
show examples
 that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Egypt
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 just
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 hotel
work
Use synonyms
 not
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 simple professions. Nowadays to provide the country well the government allocates some money for lonely
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
, children without parents,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 even if they are help and pay they do not notice every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 or family. They are just help for
people
Use synonyms
 who are loud and ask with tears or ask
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media from our President.
Therefore
Linking Words
 more beneficial is just exceed
salary
Use synonyms
 and give everybody to live like everyone with
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
income
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 in Kazakhstan
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 or
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 who are not noticed
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
live in small
placed
Replace the word
places
show examples
 with 5-6 children and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10
people
Use synonyms
 in one room. It has a big impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, everyone
Change the verb form
deserves
show examples
deserve
Add the particle
deserve to
show examples
 earn
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
low impact and live like everyone, and if they are major
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
 workers , governments
obliged
Add a missing verb
are obliged
show examples
give
Add the particle
to give
show examples
 them enough
salary
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reside in
megapolis
Correct article usage
a megapolis
show examples
.

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task achievement
Try to clarify your main points and ensure they are directly related to the problem and solution. You could break down the types of problems further and address more than just income, such as housing or economic disparity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer structural divisions. Consider using paragraphing more effectively to introduce new ideas or pieces of information.
task achievement
You have identified a relevant problem and a potential solution, which shows understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your essay includes examples to support your points, which helps in illustrating the issues discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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