IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Obesity has been found to be a serious health hazard over the world, over the past few decades. What are the causes behind it? What steps can be taken to slow down this trend?

#obesity #health #hazard #world #decades #steps #trend
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Recently, the
issue
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 of obesity has become the subject of heated debate.
This
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 essay will discuss the problems associated with
this
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issue
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 and propose viable solutions. One major cause of obesity is the increasing consumption of unhealthy food. Many people rely on fast food and sugary snacks because they are convenient and affordable. These foods are high in calories but low in nutrients, leading to excessive weight gain over time. Another key factor is the lack of physical activity. In today’s world, most people have sedentary lifestyles
due to
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 desk jobs, long hours spent on screens, and limited opportunities for exercise.
As a result
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, they burn fewer calories, which contributes to weight gain. One effective solution to address
this
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issue
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 is to incorporate education about healthy lifestyle choices into school curricula. By teaching students about balanced diets and regular exercise, they can develop an understanding of its importance from an early age.
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, schools could introduce balanced diets and regular exercise to ensure that children are well-informed and prepared.
This
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 early exposure not only raises awareness but
also
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 fosters lifelong habits, reducing the likelihood of a serious health hazard
such
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 as obesity as they grow older.
Therefore
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, education at
school
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the school
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 level plays a crucial role in mitigating
this
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 problem in the long term. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of problems
about
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with
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this
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 topic.
However
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, after considering
this
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 matter in a careful manner, implementing these solutions would greatly mitigate the
issue
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 and improve the situation.
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task achievement
The essay would benefit from more detailed examples and data to support claims about the causes of obesity and the effectiveness of the proposed solutions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the transition between paragraphs flows smoothly to enhance the coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the scope of the discussion, setting a clear framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions for obesity, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points, reinforcing the writer's stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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