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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that if people are allowed to buy guns, they will be able to protect themselves and the crime rate can be lower. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#people #guns #crime #rate #disagree？
There are
people
 who think that all experimentation on
animals
 should be banned because they are harmful,
while
 some
people
 believe that it is possible to make scientific discoveries from animal experiments. I completely agree with the latter statement because it has a lot of benefits that outweigh the
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to
animals
.
Firstly
, most of the scientific discoveries were made from animal experiments. In today's world, most of the medicine we have
founded
Verb problem
found
show examples
 in nature is mixed in labs and tested on
animals
; it would be impossible to use them on our body without a
test
, and the best way to
test
 a medical product is
using
Change preposition
by using
show examples
 an animal rather than a human, which is more ethical.
For example
, nowadays bodybuilders use anabolic steroids. The most popular anabolic steroid is a drug called Trenbolone, which was first used on cows, and after the effects on cows, scientists discovered a new medicine.
Secondly
, it is almost impossible to stop
people
 from testing on
animals
. Banning is not enough; there would be a lot of scientists who
test
 products on
animals
 secretly in their private, secured labs.
For instance
, in my country, some drugs are illegal to use, mix and sell, but
people
 still buy some drugs, mix them in their apartment and
test
 them on
animals
 first before they try it on themselves and start selling the new product they made. In conclusion, I stand with those who think experimentation on
animals
 is justified.
Animals
 will be tested
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
no matter what, so the best way to take these actions under control is by making them free.
Submitted by enver07600 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. One example per main point might not be sufficient for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains only one main idea. Your second point regarding the impossibility of stopping animal testing shifts focus midway, which slightly affects clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to overall coherence.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported with examples, helping to convey the arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advocate
  • debate
  • controversial
  • firearm
  • self-defense
  • crime prevention
  • deterrence
  • gun violence
  • gun control laws
  • public safety
  • accidental discharge
  • suicide prevention
  • impulsive
  • accessibility
  • legislation
  • firearm regulation
  • balancing
  • individual rights
  • crime rate
  • violence
  • arguments
  • opponents
  • supporters
  • proponents
  • second amendment
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