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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the best way to improve roads safety would be to increase minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motobikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #roads #safety #age #cars #motobikes
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Due to
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 the vastly growing population of our planet , more and more vehicles are launched and released to people .
This
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 phenomenon led to a huge deficiency in road
safety
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. It is believed by some that increasing the minimum legal
age
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 of driving can be of huge importance for
safety
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 regulations which I totally agree with for two reasons
of
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decreasing the number of drivers and holding
this
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 responsibility more to wiser young and adults. First of all, it is undeniably visible that the fewer the vehicles on the streets the fewer the accident rates.
For instance
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 , in an epidemiology study it was estimated that if stakeholders increase the minimum driving
age
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 limit to 21 years in Metropol and overpopulated cities and keep 18 years in small cities , the number of vehicles being driven as entertainment will be limited in big cities so the urban
safety
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 scores will undoubtedly increase by 20% . As a second factor, I believe that as the
age
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 goes higher the wiser decisions and actions might be taken.
For example
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, it was found in
a
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research on 40 individuals at the University of Davis, that the probability of 21-year-old youth making irresponsible movements
while
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 driving a motorcycle is 50% lower than an 18-year-old teenager.
As a result
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, raising
this
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 limit to
the
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 higher
age
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 will absolutely be of great importance for road security. To wrap up whatever is discussed in
this
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 essay, I agree that setting higher
age
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 limits for driving cars and motorcycles would pursue the purpose of raising the
safety
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 standards for citizens.
Submitted by nargesamin0 on

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task achievement
Consider adding more real-world examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on the counterarguments briefly to show a balanced view, which can enhance the completeness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly for a more coherent reading experience.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes the argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You have given relevant and specific examples to support your main points, demonstrating good task achievement.
logical structure
The logical flow of ideas is clear, and your essay maintains a generally strong structure that helps in delivering your argument clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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