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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say success in a person’s life as an adult is the result of the way he was brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #person’s #life #adult #parents
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More and more people believe that achieving
success
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 in a person's life as an adult is from the way the
parents
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 take it. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 statement and I believe that each peer be affected in his
future
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success
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 by their
parents
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 more important for two reasons. As a primary consideration,
parents
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' concern for their
children
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's
education
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 helps to promote them lot of opportunities for their
future
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success
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.
In addition
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 to that, getting higher
education
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 provides to acquisition of an abundance of skills , a higher level of knowledge and
amount
Correct article usage
an amount
show examples
 of languages.
Furthermore
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, educated
parents
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 can encourage their kids to study and be successful like them. A study published by New York University in 1999 concluded that those who have
parents
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 with good quality
education
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 are very lucky to be successful members of society
due to
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 their higher
education
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.
As a result
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, achieving
success
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 in the
future
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 starts with an educated environment
Add the comma(s)
,
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especially with
parents
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. Another crucial point is that
parents
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 who travel a lot with their
children
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 are so lucky to explore many cultures and that enhances them to be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excellent
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 in
communication
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. Notwithstanding, learning
communication
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 skills from a young age is necessary to be successful at an adult age.
Moreover
Linking Words
,getting higher
communication
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 abilities can supply a higher position in their
future
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 dream job. A prosperity experiment in the University of Muscat published a study in 2001 concluded that if
parents
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 travel plenty in one year , it will increase their
children
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's intelligence and
communication
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 experience.
Therefore
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, travelling gives assistance in raising
children
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 speaking and thinking which lends a helping hand to
success
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 in the
future
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there is no single way to be successful as an adult without the concern of the
parents
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 in a person's life from a young age.
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, delve deeper into providing diverse perspectives on how upbringing influences success, or explore counterarguments to strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Focus on refining the organizational structure of your paragraphs. While you have clear points, they can be more cohesively linked to strengthen coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Think about using transitional phrases more effectively to link ideas smoothly between paragraphs and maintain a clear flow of argumentation.
task achievement
Your essay is insightful with relevant specific examples, particularly when you discuss studies related to education and travel (e.g., the New York University and University of Muscat studies).
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which guides the reader through your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • nurturing
  • discipline
  • emotional support
  • role modeling
  • socioeconomic status
  • resilience
  • determinism
  • aspirations
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • educational opportunities
  • personal choices
  • influences
  • financial resources
  • success
  • development
  • initiative
What to do next:
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