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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the features, and make comarisons where relevan

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the features, and make comarisons where relevan
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comarisons #relevan
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The line chart
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
bellow
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below
show examples
 illustrates the number of people in four Asian nations
stayed
Correct pronoun usage
who stayed
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 in
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
 between 1970 to 2020 and the estimations for 2030 and 2040
Overall
Linking Words
, Malaysia showed
showed
Remove the redundancy
apply
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the the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
 population in the chart,
while
Linking Words
 Thailand and
Correct article usage
the philippines
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philippines
Change the capitalization
Philippines
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were fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
have fluctuated
show examples
.
First,
Linking Words
Malaysia
Change preposition
in Malaysia
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at
Change preposition
in
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 1970 the
individual's
Change noun form
individual
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 percentage were about 30% and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 the same until 1980, and kept growing constantly
untill
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until
 2020 when reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
75%. And expected to increase more
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 2030 to 2040 up to 80%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Indonesia showed
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of people
in
Change preposition
from
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 1970
2000
Change preposition
to 2000
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 with
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
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 raised from 11% to 25 % respectively. Later on from 2000 to 202 population
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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expanded by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double reaching 45% . The prediction
of
Change preposition
that
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 Indonesia's
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 to
wxpand
Correct your spelling
expand
 by about 26% in
year
Change the article
the year
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2040 reaching 60%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 and Thailand
were wobbling
Wrong verb form
wobbled
show examples
 between
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 of1970 to 2000 with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
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 in 1990
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 45% for
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 and the lowest
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1980 was 15%.
Finally
Linking Words
, Indonesian and
Thailandian
Correct your spelling
Thailand
 are expected to grow more by 2040 45% and 40% respectively .
Submitted by dr.wessam_jamal on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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