IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In numerous countries, the steady increase in
crime
Use synonyms
 rates has emerged as a pressing societal challenge, generating widespread concern about its underlying causes and possible solutions.
This
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 ongoing trend can primarily be attributed to socio-economic disparities and institutional weaknesses in law enforcement. To address
this
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 multifaceted issue, governments must implement holistic social reforms
while
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 simultaneously enhancing criminal justice frameworks. One major cause of escalating
crime
Use synonyms
 is the prevalence of poverty, unemployment, and unequal access to essential services
such
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 as education and healthcare. Individuals from underprivileged backgrounds are often excluded from economic opportunities, leading some to engage in illicit activities as a means of survival or social mobility.
This
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 phenomenon is especially pronounced in densely populated urban areas where youth are more vulnerable to recruitment by
organized
Use the right word
organised
show examples
 criminal groups.
Moreover
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, the weakening of family structures and the erosion of communal bonds have resulted in emotional neglect, pushing some individuals—particularly adolescents—toward anti-social behaviour. To combat
this
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 issue, a two-pronged approach is essential.
Firstly
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, governments should invest in long-term social development programs that target the root causes of inequality, including affordable housing, quality education, and job creation initiatives. These measures can significantly reduce the socio-economic drivers of
crime
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.
Secondly
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, law enforcement agencies must be
modernized
Use the right word
modernised
show examples
 through advanced surveillance technology, data-driven policing, and community engagement strategies.
For instance
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,
neighborhood-based
Use the right word
neighbourhood-based
show examples
 intervention models in countries like Norway and the Netherlands have effectively lowered juvenile
crime
Use synonyms
 by fostering trust and collaboration between police and residents. In conclusion, the annual rise in criminal activity stems largely from entrenched social inequalities and systemic inefficiencies in
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention. By addressing both the socio-economic foundations of
crime
Use synonyms
 and the operational capacity of law enforcement, policymakers can create more resilient and secure communities for future generations.

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coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized and flow logically from one to the next. Make sure that each paragraph focuses clearly on one main idea to strengthen your coherence further.
task achievement
You provide a complete answer to the task, discussing causes and solutions. Try to include even more specific examples to support your points, as this will enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are strong, ensure that you clearly connect your main points in the body paragraphs to give a more tied-together response.
task achievement
You have presented clear main ideas and solutions, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing style is fluent and clear, making it easy to read and understand your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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