IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays,
parents
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 put a lot of
pressure
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 on their
children
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 to succeed.
This
Linking Words
 is because they want their
children
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 to have a good
life
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 and their prestige makes them do that, and it is a negative development because
this
Linking Words
 makes
children
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 more depressed. Some
parents
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 put
pressure
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 on their kids to help them have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
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 than
them
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 helps
children
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 to focus on themselves and their success in school which makes them motivated to complete university and have a good
paied
Correct your spelling
paying
paid
 job in the future to live a happy
life
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 which makes their
parents
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to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
proud of them.
This
Linking Words
 kind of success satisfied the
parents
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' prestige
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of other people who see their
children
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 are successful individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey at Oxford University shows that most of
students
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the students
show examples
 who got high grades in exams are the ones who got
pressure
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 from their
parents
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.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
pressure
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 makes
children
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 suffer from depression and anxiety.
This
Linking Words
 is because it makes
children
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 work hard to succeed in
life
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 and meet their
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parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 expectations which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them anxious and
affraid
Correct your spelling
afraid
 if they do not meet these expectations.
This
Linking Words
 makes them suffer from health and mental issues which may affect their
life
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 negatively.
For instance
Linking Words
, a child in elementary school in Kuwait
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 suicide because he was
affraid
Correct your spelling
afraid
 of his
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parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 reaction when they saw his low grades. In conclusion,
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
pressure
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mothers and fathers put on their kids
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them more successful in
life
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 and have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
life
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 when they become adults.
This
Linking Words
pressure
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 may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 them to suffer from mental and health problems and sometimes cause them to lose their lives.

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task achievement
Focus on elaborating your ideas with more depth, instead of just mentioning them. For example, when discussing parents’ prestige, explain why that might lead to increased pressure on children.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clarify your arguments with more explicit connections between ideas. Sometimes, your points about pressure and its negative effects can be expanded a bit more clearly.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers both aspects of the question — reasons for parental pressure and its positive or negative impact. This shows a sound level of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured clearly, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs covering distinct points, and a conclusion. This makes both the reading and understanding process much easier.
task achievement
The use of an example from a survey at Oxford University adds credibility to the argument that parental pressure can lead to academic success. Well done for including specific examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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