A rise in chilhood obesity is a real threat to haelth to health with an increasing number of children now classified as overweight.What are the causes of the problem and what measures can be taken to solve them.

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In recent years, the figure of

children

Use synonyms

who suffer from obesity

Verb problem

has

show examples

increasing

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

largely

due to

Linking Words

laziness caused by rapid technological advancements and fast foods.

However

Linking Words

, I firmly believe that

this

Linking Words

issue can be effectively addressed through two key strategies: parental

control

Use synonyms

of electronic

devices

Use synonyms

and a healthy lifestyle.

This

Linking Words

essay will elucidate the underlying causes of

this

Linking Words

issue and propose practical solutions to tackle it.

To begin

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with,the main factor contributing to youngsters' lack of physical activity is that they are surrounded by

gadgets

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as smartphones which offer them a great range of video games.

For instance

Linking Words

, research shows that some 60% of

children

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are involved in electronic

devices

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in Kazakhstan.

As a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

causes not only the made them lazy but

also

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health issues like poor vision.

Additionally

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, a huge number of

children

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eat fast food, including substance fatty food which causes youth to gain fat quickly.

Consequently

Linking Words

this

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leads to a reduction in age and health. Despite all these challenges,

this

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issue can be tackled by implementing effective strategies.

Firstly

Linking Words

, parents should set up parental

control

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over electronic

devices

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This

Linking Words

can be using Apps which allow parents to limit the screen time of their offspring, encouraging youth to allocate more time to physical activities.

This

Linking Words

highlights the importance of parental

control

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gadgets

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in order to boost

children

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's lifestyles.

Secondly

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, fostering a healthy lifestyle is essential to help

children

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maintain to keep fit. The government can create a section for physical activities.

For example

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, parents who

control

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gadgets

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can send their

children

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to various sports and develop their bodies.

This

Linking Words

solution not only distracts from electronic

devices

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

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becomes healthy. In conclusion,

while

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laziness caused by

gadgets

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and fast foods presents significant challenges for youngsters today, these obstacles can be effectively overcome through parental

control

Use synonyms

and a healthy lifestyle. Setting, and avoiding technology

devices

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, with help

children

Use synonyms

start to become effective and realize their full potential

Submitted by tmrln.usenov on Fri Jan 24 2025

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task achievement

Try to expand on ideas with more concrete examples or data to further strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a consistent flow of ideas.

language accuracy

Pay attention to the grammatical structure and spelling to enhance clarity and professionalism.

coherence and cohesion

Revisit the conclusion to ensure that it effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position.

task achievement

The essay clearly identifies two main causes of childhood obesity and links them to societal trends.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction sets a clear agenda by stating both the issue and potential solutions.

coherence and cohesion

The essay concludes effectively by summarizing the problem and solutions, providing a clear wrap-up.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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A rise in chilhood obesity is a real threat to haelth to health with an increasing number of children now classified as overweight.What are the causes of the problem and what measures can be taken to solve them.

Your opinion

To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement that technology has a negative impact on traditional jobs?

In many places, new homes are needed l, but the place available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

Sample Question Version 04(Discuss both views) : In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views.

Some people say that edcation should be the responsible of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themsevles . Dicuss both views , express your opinion .

Q) Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoid any change. others, however, think that change is always a good thing. discuss both views and give your opinion.