In many parts of the world, some famous people are considered ‘role models’, and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?

At the moment, there are many people who have an effect on teenagers
such
as Abert Einstein, Ronaldo, and Messi,..and among those, it is impossible
not to mention
a public figure affects lots of them. From my viewpoint, I confirmed it has a negative with the youth.
Firstly
, look on the bright side they have already greatly contributed to Vietnamese music and brought it to the international level. Not stopping at that, in poverty and poses, Vietnam is
also
emphasized as an independent country, and the young generation should learn from that.
Next,
the charities activity
also
corporation by the famous.
Besides
, the dedication to the debut of new music helps reduce stress, unwind and relax or even the reasons for us motivated in life when meet challenges.
Secondly
, not only influences the characteristics of the young but
also
teaches good things and reasons.
For example
, when the audiences talk about the bad things other people do, immediately the celebrity explains
that is
not good and may have unpredictable consequences. As a matter of fact, famous person they know how to catch their attention and liven up the mood with the view.
Finally
, what we pay special attention to is the environment, which poses a big problem for humans. By the way, Hieuthuhai is one of the rappers in the market in Vietnam, he has come up with extremely sophisticated and effective solutions, which help people raise awareness and were quickly accepted and implemented to completely solve
this
painful problem.
To sum up
, celebrities have shown their ability to have an impressive command of the fields and have intelligence and are worth setting an example and following.
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task achievement
Ensure that your main argument is clearly stated and consistent throughout the essay. In the introduction, you mention that the influence of famous people on youth is negative, but much of your essay discusses positive aspects. Stay consistent with your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using appropriate linking words and phrases. This will help guide the reader through your thoughts and make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Make sure your examples are directly relevant to your argument. When discussing the positive or negative impacts, use specific examples that clearly illustrate your point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your thesis, and use evidence and examples to back up your points. Avoid contradictions within your paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided a variety of points to support your argument, which shows good critical thinking.
task achievement
You included specific examples like Hieuthuhai and Vietnamese music, which added depth to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • celebrity culture
  • aspirational
  • negative influences
  • unrealistic body images
  • discernment
  • amplifying
  • guidance
  • perceptions
  • activism
  • charity work
  • overshadowing
  • endorsements
  • consumer behavior
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