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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table and charts below give information about doctors in one country between 1986 and 2006

The table and charts below give information about doctors in one country between 1986 and 2006
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The table and charts compare the information about
doctors
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 1986, 1996 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest amount of
doctors
Use synonyms
 were in 2006,
whereas
Linking Words
 most of them were males and were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 in three years. As the table shows, The lowest number of
doctors
Use synonyms
 was 23.720 in 1986,
while
Linking Words
 the highest one was 35.450 in 2006. In 1996 the amount of
doctors
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 was 29.060. In 1986 male
doctors
Use synonyms
 were more than female ones, 73% and 25%, respectively. 62% of
doctors
Use synonyms
 were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 36% were born overseas in 1986.
Then
Linking Words
, in 1996 Female
doctors
Use synonyms
 were less than male ones, 65% and 32%, respectively. Around 55% and 60% of them were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, 41% of
doctors
Use synonyms
 were born abroad.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2006 the male
doctors
Use synonyms
 were 60%,
while
Linking Words
 39% of them were females. The figure of the place of birth was the same. 50% were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
, and 50% of
doctors
Use synonyms
 were born abroad.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words doctors, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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