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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Childrem are facing more pressure nowdays from academic social and commercial prespective what are the causes of these pressure and what measure should be taken to reduce these.

#childrem #pressure #nowdays #prespective #measure
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Intrusive thoughts in the not fully formed minds of a myriad of young individuals stem from their daily life encounters whether it is in school because of the bullying
coupled with
Linking Words
 being hard on themselves to get better
grades
Use synonyms
 or on the internet, where social media always attempt intruding wrong thinking. It seems to me that a classified
grades
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 system should be carried out in conjunction with more explicit parental control.
To begin
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 with, The best way to prosper in life is to hitch the wagon to a star, what loads of modern offspring do
however
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 it puts them in the unconscious chase where their focus is shifted to getting a grade but not to obtaining knowledge. Correspondingly, to alleviate it, we need to implement a non-disclosed system of announcing
grades
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such
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 as those in the European Union, where students receive
grades
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 individually, and not be ashamed of themselves, kicking in pursuing a better grade to upstage the others. Another notorious prerequisite of child pressure is bullying. Education facilities
also
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 can take
this
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 burden on their shoulders primarily owing to the time-spending of most youngsters in schools.
This
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 is the reason why schools are able to make a tangible input into society, rectifying solely a part of a nowadays child's life. What is more striking, as of today, teenagers are being exploited by media outlets to intrude on products, to impose wrong narratives, and other adverse thinking that the average person of 10-20 years cannot resist.
For example
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, presuming that upbringing children in India might witness an LGBTQ promotion on a certain media platform which they are not willing to extensively comprehend. Since, children's brains are still cultivated until, conditionally, the age of 20, they are vulnerable to
this
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 kind of content
thus
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 undermining the Indian community by the wrong perception. To recap the aforementioned, those solutions can be
interprojected
Correct your spelling
interjected
, intensifying an auspicious impact even more if parental influence will bring in, clouting children's behaviour to help them bring their A-game across the internet and their social interactions.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

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clarity
Try to simplify some sentences. Complex vocabulary and structures might obscure your point.
task achievement
Include more specific examples that are universally understood, rather than culturally specific references.
task achievement
You have addressed both sections of the task by discussing causes and recommending solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical progression of ideas, with clear paragraphing and supportive arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introductory statement and concludes effectively by summarizing the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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