IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is
common
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commonly
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 accepted that digital has become
the
Correct article usage
a
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 major part of nowadays. With
this
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 regard, it is argued that
computer
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 should be added to subjects
such
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 as primary subjects. It is like reading, math and writing.
While
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this
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 may be
as
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apply
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a natural decision,
but
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apply
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I disagree with
this
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 proposition for two reasons.
Firstly
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,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to acquire
computer
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skills
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 outside
classroom
Add an article
the classroom
show examples
. Because
children
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 spend a lot of time with technology outside of
school
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, they usually master
computer
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skills
Use synonyms
 successfully on their own6 without any taught
of
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by
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 teachers or adults. For entrance,
a
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apply
show examples
plenty of
children
Use synonyms
 start using computers or tablets for entertainment
since
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at
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early
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an early
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 age, as
this
Linking Words
 technology is widely available today. A typical child can use
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
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, turn
on
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it on
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 and turn
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it of
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of
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off
show examples
Linking Words
this
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apply
show examples
and starting from the age
5
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of 5
show examples
or 6. Nowadays
children
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learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
a
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apply
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plenty of sites and apps without
parents
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their parents
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, because they learn
this
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 faster
,
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apply
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 than adults.
Secondly
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, schools may hardly
taught
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teach
be taught
show examples
 any advanced
computerizations
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computerization
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 which
children
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 do not already know. Pupils without any prior training start more and more use spread of social media
such
Linking Words
 as
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
, Instagram,
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and youtube
show examples
youtube
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YouTube
show examples
. They can produce their own
contetnt
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content
 in the form of videos and pictures on their laptops and smartphones and post
it
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them
show examples
 online. What is more, no one
school
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 could not
teaching
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teach
be teaching
show examples
 them
for
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apply
show examples
advanced creative
contents
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content
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 with video-hosting, professional videos and photos. Social media
proving
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proves
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 that fact the number of young content creators has been on the rise recently. To draw the conclusion,
although
Linking Words
computer
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 education included in primary
school
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 probably
appear
Correct subject-verb agreement
appears
show examples
 to be the call of the technology age,
children
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 learn
computer
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skills
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 outside of
school
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 and can learn at home.
Actually
Add a comma
Actually,
show examples
this
Linking Words
show
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shows
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 excellent results. Doubtless,
that
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apply
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introducing
computer
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 literacy classes would be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time in
school
Use synonyms
 education.

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coherence cohesion
Try to make your argument structure more clear, with smoother transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition, such as stating the same idea in slightly different ways multiple times.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your main reasons with more detailed examples.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph adequately supports the argument you are making.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
You have provided distinct points to support your argument against including computer skills as primary subjects.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument and restates your position clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital literacy
  • proficient
  • curriculum integration
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • digital citizenship
  • foundational subjects
  • cognitive development
  • responsible technology use
  • educational software
  • interactive learning
  • future education and career
  • technical knowledge
What to do next:
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