IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is said that
computer
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 are advised to be taught in the same way as basic subjects
such
Linking Words
 as reading, writing, and math in elementary school.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with the statement for 2 reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
computer
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 may have a big effect on
children
Use synonyms
's mindset by learning crucial thinking from a young age.
This
Linking Words
 is to say that
skills
Use synonyms
 like programming help pupils to be taught problem-solving and critical thinking, which may have a positive effect on a child`s academic performance.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 of private schools have already been studying basic
computer
Use synonyms
 knowledge from the first grade, and
as a result
Linking Words
, they show high learning achievements from primary school.
Moreover
Linking Words
, reading and math
skills
Use synonyms
 could be developed faster and more effectively with programming because
skills
Use synonyms
 of research and analysis are the key things that would be taught in
computer
Use synonyms
 learning subjects. Turning to the second reason is the advantage of early learning. To explain,
children
Use synonyms
 around 6-7 years old are more capable of learning things fast, which makes them more competitive in comparison with teenagers, who start to learn
computer
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 in 8-9 grade.
For example
Linking Words
, the Range of robotics competitions was implemented by the Minister of Education in Kazakhstan 2 years ago, and the first 2 places were consistently occupied by IT schools, where students of 7 grades were taught
computer
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 from the third grade.
In addition
Linking Words
, students from IT schools are more open in their choice of profession
due to
Linking Words
 their early experience and high achievements in the field of programming. In conclusion,
computer
Use synonyms
 science is highly recommended to be added to the elementary school program
along with
Linking Words
 the main subjects, that assist
children
Use synonyms
 in developing critical thinking and give a great boost in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that introducing computing would be a great possibility to improve the education of the country.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
While your introduction clearly states your position, try to include a brief overview of the points you will discuss in the essay to provide clearer guidance for the reader.
improvement
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that disrupt the flow of the essay. For example, instead of 'crucial thinking', you can say 'critical thinking', and revise 'the Range of robotics competitions was implemented by the Minister of Education' for clarity.
improvement
Include a few more specific examples or data to support your arguments. While you provided an example from Kazakhstan, consider adding additional statistics or studies to strengthen your points about the benefits of early computer education.
strength
Your essay presents a clear stance and logically supports it with relevant reasons and examples.
strength
The structure of your essay is generally well-organized, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your arguments.
strength
You have successfully highlighted the advantages of teaching computer skills at an early age, which is a relevant perspective in today's education debates.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital literacy
  • proficient
  • curriculum integration
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • digital citizenship
  • foundational subjects
  • cognitive development
  • responsible technology use
  • educational software
  • interactive learning
  • future education and career
  • technical knowledge
What to do next:
Look at other essays: