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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram shows the process of manufacturing bottled and canned water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows the process of manufacturing bottled and canned water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided diagram illustrates the production
step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
show examples
 of bottled and canned carbonated
water
Use synonyms
are made
Verb problem
apply
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that there are five main stages of the process, starting with how
water
Use synonyms
 cleaning, ending with Packaging before sending it to the Supermarket
Linking Words
At the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 first
stage
Use synonyms
 of the process,
stage
Use synonyms
 1 begins with containing raw
water
Use synonyms
 from the
water
Use synonyms
 source,
then
Linking Words
 filtering to separate clean
water
Use synonyms
 from other dusting. After getting clean
water
Use synonyms
, it will get in the
Water
Use synonyms
 softener and Chemical machine to change and adjust the quality to be drinking
water
Use synonyms
, The Pump will work to flow
water
Use synonyms
 to the next
stage
Use synonyms
 . In
stage
Use synonyms
 2 Heating evaporation and carbonation, clean
water
Use synonyms
 comes to cool down in the Electric
heaters
Fix the agreement mistake
heater
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 machine and conveyor by Cooling pipe to attain other chemical sustain in Carbon dioxide changing the qualification to Carbonated
water
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
 the
last
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
 that will process in the manufacturing is Mixing all matter as Colouring, Syrup, and Flavor for interesting consumers buying
this
Linking Words
 product in the Mixing tank,
the
Correct your spelling
then
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 the producer should do the
last
Linking Words
 Filter to best quality for
consumer
Add an article
the consumer
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. After filler, cleaning
water
Use synonyms
 begins in
Stage
Use synonyms
 Four Filtering and filling it in the bottles and cans, until coming end in
Stage
Use synonyms
 Five Packaging all products and contain in a container truck to a supermarket.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, stage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • raw material sourcing
  • filtration
  • purification
  • bottling
  • canning
  • packaging
  • quality control
  • distribution
  • environmental considerations
  • process flow
  • manufacture
  • treatment
  • final product
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