IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The only reason people work hard is to earn more money. There are no other reasons to do it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that financial gain is the sole motivation for
people
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 to put in hard
work
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, and no other factors drive
such
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 efforts.
While
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 monetary rewards undeniably play a crucial role in motivating
individuals
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, I believe there are numerous other reasons why
people
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work
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 hard, including personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
, passion, and a
sense
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 of duty.
To begin
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 with, earning more money is undoubtedly a significant motivator for many
people
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. Higher salaries allow
individuals
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 to improve their standard of living, support their families, and achieve long-term financial goals.
For example
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, many professionals
work
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 overtime or take on additional responsibilities to secure promotions or bonuses.
This
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 highlights the importance of financial incentives in driving hard
work
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, particularly in competitive industries where salaries and rewards are performance-based.
However
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, money is not the only factor that encourages
people
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 to
work
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 hard. For some
individuals
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, personal growth and
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 are far more important.
For instance
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, many artists, researchers, and entrepreneurs dedicate themselves to their
work
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 not for immediate financial rewards but because they are deeply passionate about their fields. The satisfaction of achieving goals or contributing to society often outweighs monetary benefits.
Similarly
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, professionals
such
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 as teachers and healthcare workers frequently
work
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 long hours driven by a
sense
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 of purpose and the desire to make a positive impact on others’ lives.
Moreover
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, a strong
work
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 ethic and a
sense
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 of responsibility can
also
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 be powerful motivators. Some
people
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 strive for excellence in their
work
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 simply because they take pride in their achievements and want to uphold their personal or organizational values.
For example
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, an athlete might train rigorously to break records, not for financial gain but for the prestige and personal satisfaction that come with success. In conclusion,
while
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 financial incentives are undoubtedly a key reason for hard
work
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, they are by no means the only factor. Personal
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
, passion, and a
sense
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 of responsibility
also
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 play significant roles in motivating
individuals
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 to put in their best efforts.
Therefore
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, I disagree with the notion that money is the sole reason
people
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work
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 hard.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific real-life examples to support the claims and enhance the essay's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task prompt, providing a balanced discussion on the reasons for working hard beyond financial gain.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the conclusion provides a clear stance, rounding off the argument well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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