IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

You and a friend recently went on a holiday together. There is a problem with the photos you have taken during the holiday. Write a letter to your friend to ask for a particular shot. In your letter •tell him/her about the problem with your photos •say which photo you would like him/her to send you •explain why you need this photo

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Dear Amisha,  I hope you are doing well, I am writing to ask if you can share some good
shots
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 of me doing bungee jumping and parasailing by email.  You know I bought the Canon camera just before our trip to Kelowna so that we could capture some photogenic
shots
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while
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 doing adventurous activities. Unfortunately, these particular
shots
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 got deleted from my drive
due to
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 some storage issues and I was completely shattered to see that.  One possibility to get these moments back is if you can email me some good pictures of jumping me from the cliff with your iPhone 15.
Also
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, I want you to send me the picture of that particular shot where I was full of excitement to fly freely in the air for the first time.  These highlighted moments are very special for me and I wanted to share some of these
shots
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 with my family and friends. On top of that, these activities have been on my wish list for a very long time and have been done which is the best feeling in the world.  Thank you in advance for sending these pictures.  Lots of love,  Saniya

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea more clearly. For instance, the discussion about the problem with the photos and the specific request for the shots could be more distinctly separated.
task achievement
Ensure that the tone remains consistent and friendly throughout the letter, as this fits the informal nature of your request. Currently, it is well maintained.
task achievement
To achieve a complete response, providing a bit more detail on why these photos are important (e.g., specific memories or further activities planned with the photos) could enhance the letter.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow the writer's train of thought.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately used, adding a personal touch to the letter.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is friendly and suitable for a letter to a friend, making the request feel genuine and heartfelt.
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