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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that it’s depends on the attitude of the students. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Because every student has different strengths, they perform differently in their class. How they would perform in education depends on two factors. Some believe that educational success depends on good teachers.
While
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 others think that it depends on the attitude of the
students
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, I believe it relies on both factors.
First,
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good educators are vital in shaping
students
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' academic performance because teachers are there to teach pupils concepts using effective teaching methods.
Moreover
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, they give customized help for each individual. To give an example, in complex concepts like math, and science it gets hard to understand. A teacher can explain it in a simple structured way, making it easier to understand. Without a skilled instructor's assistance learners will lose interest and will struggle to get the subject.
Second,
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a student's attitude
also
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 plays a major role in educational success because people need to put in some effort and show interest in something to accomplish a certain thing. No matter how good the tutor is, a kid who lacks motivation and effort will not achieve any academic achievements.
For instance
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, the ones who get the best grades in school are always the ones who studied. To reach scholastic excellence, pupils must push themselves to work hard.
To sum up
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,
while
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 skilled professors help
students
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, they are not the only cause to make
students
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 have educational success. To achieve their goals, individuals must strive too.
Therefore
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, I believe a good educator and a well-behaved scholar are both important things in achieving educational excellence.

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence that strengthen your points of view.
task achievement
Ensure a more even balance between the two perspectives discussed for a more complete argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider using linking words more frequently for smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
general
Pay attention to sentence structure and verb agreement to improve grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives and states your opinion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reiterates your stance.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your thesis.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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