IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that educating people about the problems of eating too much fast food has no effect and that other measures should be taken to tackle this issue. What is your opinion?

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It is argued that teaching individuals about the negative outcomes of overconsuming fast
food
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 is useless, and other methods should be taken into consideration. I think that
such
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 education will definitely have a positive impact but other solutions ought to be
also
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 taken. Educating people about the intimidating consequences of junk
food
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 could be a viable method, as it will enlarge public awareness. In fact, most population do not know
such
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 results, and ,without proper education, they would not be enlightened about
such
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 topics. With
government
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 programs and activities, which will promote
this
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 information, people can effectively integrate healthy diet and restrict themselves from junk
food
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. After the massive campaign organized by US authorities in 2014,
for instance
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, the population consuming junk
food
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 dipped dramatically from 47% to 34%.
However
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, education alone is not effective in tackling
this
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 problem, and
government
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 intervention in the
prices
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 of
food
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 is really important. In most cases, individuals are compelled to purchase fast
food
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, as their
prices
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 are significantly lower than healthy ones.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 have to provide incentives for
food
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 manufacturers which produce safe meals, so they can lower the
prices
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 for their commodities.
This
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 way
food
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that is
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 completely safe would be much more available for society. In the US,
for example
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, it is easier to buy fast
food
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, which might cost around 5-10 dollars, rather than a harmless meal, whose price can probably reach 35-40 dollars. In conclusion, fast
food
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 has a detrimental effect on communities, and
this
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 can be resolved through
government
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 regulation of the
prices
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 of
food
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 products and raising public awareness about the negative consequences of that.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on why education might not be sufficient on its own and explore other potential measures in greater detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear and steady flow of ideas throughout.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a well-summarized conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the US campaign in 2014, effectively support the main ideas.
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