IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Fossil fuels (e.g. coals, oil, and gas) are the main source of energy for most countries. However, alternative sources of energy (e.g. wind and solar power) have been encouraged for use by some countries. To what extent is this positive or negative development?

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Fossil
fuels
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 have been the main
energy
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 source worldwide.
However
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, because of their adverse effects, some countries are exploring
alternative
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 options,
for example
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, solar power, as their primary
sources
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source
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 of
energy
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. In my view,
this
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 is a positive development.
Firstly
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, it is evident that fossil
fuels
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 cause ongoing harm to humans and the environment. Whether for
energy
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 generation or vehicle operation, fossil
fuels
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,
such
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 as gasoline, must be burned to generate
energy
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. In
this
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 process, massive amounts of exhaust gases are emitted into the air,
for
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example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 carbon dioxide and sulfur dioxide, leading to extreme weather conditions. Specifically, these emissions have caused the greenhouse effect and a rise in temperature,
while
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also
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 triggering health conditions,
such
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 as respiratory diseases. In light of these concerns, adopting
alternative
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energy
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 sources is a wise and beneficial step.
Secondly
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, renewables are eco-friendly and cost-effective.
First,
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renewables,
such
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 as wind and solar power, are derived from nature, meaning
energy
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 can be generated wherever light or wind is available.
Therefore
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, people can produce
energy
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 without harming the land and ocean, unlike the damage caused by oil extraction.
Moreover
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, these renewable resources are inexhaustible, guaranteeing no risk of depletion, unlike gas and oil, which are subject to exhaustion.
This
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 advantage helps lower
energy
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 costs, which makes
energy
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 more affordable for consumers.
Consequently
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,
such
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 benefits can stimulate
further
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 investment in
alternative
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energy
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 initiatives. In conclusion,
although
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 fossil
fuels
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 continue to play an essential role in many regions, their negative effects cannot be ignored.
Hence
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, moving to
alternative
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energy
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 can reduce operational costs, enhance human welfare, and preserve nature.
This
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 marks a significant step toward a cleaner and more sustainable future.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider linking your ideas more smoothly with transitional phrases to enhance flow, especially between paragraphs and points.
task achievement
Ensure that each supporting point in your body paragraphs is fully developed with detailed examples or explanations to provide greater depth.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion that moving towards alternative energy is a positive development, which is well established in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The discussion of the harms caused by fossil fuels and the benefits of renewable energy sources showcases a good understanding of the topic.
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