IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

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It is argued that untouched lands must be investigated because of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 necessity for
energy
Use synonyms
 sources worldwide.
This
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 essay totally disagrees with
this
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 statement. I believe
thet
Correct your spelling
that
 exploring new
areas
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 in order to gain
an
Remove the article
apply
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access to oil and
gas
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 can have detrimental impacts
to
Change preposition
on
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 the environment and cause more dependency on fossil fuels. Exploring new
areas
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossil-gaining
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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 can worsen significantly the biodiversity of the Earth. Aspiring to acquire temporary
energy
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 sources, a vast
landscaped
Replace the word
landscape
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 must be destroyed, chopping down the
hectars
Correct your spelling
hectares
 of
woods
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wood
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 and releasing hazardous
gas
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 emissions into the atmosphere.
Furthermore
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, it may cause other
catastrophical
Correct your spelling
catastrophic
 issues
such
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 as Global warming, by depriving remaining trees on the Earth and increasing air pollution.
For example
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, provided statistics by Nazarbayev University exploiting lands excessively between 1970 and 1996, Kazakhstan's climate worsened
to
Change preposition
by
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 35% by degrading air quality and causing the extinction of local species of fauna and flora. Having exploited
gained
Verb problem
apply
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fossil fuels from undeveloped
areas
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, citizens can grow their dependency by trying to accomplish
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urgent necessities. Not only does the exploration of new lands make people eager to consume increasingly year by year, but it
also
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 may lead to
the
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a
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neglective
Replace the word
neglectful
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 approach to the environment.
Instead
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 of inventing and implementing eco-friendly sustainable
energy
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, humans generally rush to find a temporary salvation.
For instance
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, a study conducted by the World Nature Conservancy proves that
opening
Correct article usage
the opening
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 of new
gas
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 and oil fields is gaining a tendency, with an increasing figure at about 9% each year,
annd
Correct your spelling
and
 causing the neglection to the invention of alternative
energy
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 sources. In conclusion, though
a
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the
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 demand for
the
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apply
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traditional
energy
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 resources is growing, it mustn't be the reason to exploit undeveloped
areas
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, as
this
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 can become a root of disaster to the nature and reliance of humanity only on oil and
gas
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to ensure all sections of your essay are clearly divided into paragraphs. This will improve the overall readability and structure.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This can enhance the credibility and depth of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you proofread your essay to catch minor grammatical errors and improve clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction is clear, setting up the argument and position from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively with a well-defined argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
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