In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children tis message?

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In some countries,

children

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are encouraged to try hard to reach their goals.

This

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phrase has both a positive effect and a negative effect on them. The good

impact

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of encouraging

children

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to try their best is to make

children

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think stronger. The ability to think in different situations will

impact

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their resilience.

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message will be a spirit to the

children

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so they can try more and more, even after a failure.

For example

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, if we give an encouraging word to the swimming athlete, they will have the energy to practice more to achieve their dream.

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, when they have a strong mind, they will

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make precise decisions and be more resistant to confounding factors.

However

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, there was

also

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a negative

impact

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on the

children

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. Some will struggle more when they try many times, but the result is not as wished.

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makes them need to try again after the failure and get pressure from that. Being pressured is not only

give

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apply

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a good way to think smarter, but in some

children

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, it can make their feelings worse.

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can lead to depression, a medical condition that causes a loss of interest in their life. In summary, an encouraging phrase to try harder may have a good or poor

impact

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on young people. The good one is they will have a strong resilience in many situations. So they will have a clear decision. Some others can feel pressured and feel worse after failing to try their best.

This

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situation can lead to a depression.

austinwijaya.awMon Feb 03 2025

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coherence and cohesion

To enhance the clarity of your essay, consider structuring it into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea with supporting details.

task achievement

While your examples are relevant, try to expand on them a bit more to fully illustrate your points. Including more details or further explanations could strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Strengthen your introduction and conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion at the end. This can provide a more complete response and reinforce your message.

task achievement

You have effectively identified both the advantages and disadvantages of encouraging children to try hard, which shows a balanced perspective on the topic.

task achievement

Your use of examples, such as the swimming athlete, is good and makes your points relatable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

inspiration
motivation
diligent
mindset
work ethic
resilience
self-esteem
confidence
performance
extracurricular activities
problem-solving skills
challenges
disappointment
failure
inadequacy
unrealistic expectations
talent
opportunities
external factors
frustration
empathy
teamwork
mental health

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children tis message?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

If a product is good or it meets people's needs, people will buy it so advertising is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?