IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before, Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments.Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages ?

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In many countries,
people
Use synonyms
 are now reaching higher ages that they haven`t reached before. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think it negatively affects the governments. Others believe that they are a good value for the society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and mention why I think having an ageing population outweighs the disadvantages. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who claim that the elderly are a burden on the government think that they will need a lot of care when they get older,
moreover
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, they will need 24/7 hours access to NHS healthcare facilities which is costly for the government.
For example
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, research has shown that the majority of healthcare services during covid-19 were used by old citizens.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who disagree with
this
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 notion say that the old members of the community offer crucial support emotionally and mentally to the younger generation.
In addition
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,  they give them important pieces of advice and help when they need to go through a social experience like becoming parents for the first time or getting divorced. So they can pass on
this
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 experience with less pain and suffering. In conclusion, some individuals think that old
people
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 are just an overload to the governments because they consume a huge part of the NHS services with no actual return back from them. I strongly believe
together with
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 the other groups who are supporting the ageing population. that those groups are essential
people
Use synonyms
 in our lives. because they can provide great guidance for their children and grandchildren when they need it.

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task achievement
Expand on the disadvantages to provide a more balanced view. Consider discussing the financial burden on governments in greater detail or mention how the ageing population may impact the workforce.
coherence
Improve the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs by using more linking phrases or cohesive devices. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Add specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the elderly providing guidance, you might include a personal anecdote or a statistic that highlights their contributions to society.
coherence
The essay presents a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated in the introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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