The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lesions in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, the surging proportion of the obese populace is instilling a profound burden on various healthcare services in order to mitigate the concern related to obese human health.

Moreover

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, proponents believe that the most efficacious strategy which can be used as a remedy to solve

this

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prevailing issue in society is the incorporation of extensive physical learning in any educational institution. In my opinion, I firmly side my conviction in the affirmation of

this

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proposed ideology as it will not only plunge the

overall

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admission rate of unhealthy obese individuals in hospitals but

also

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it will encourage the individuals to foster a healthy and fit

lifestyle

Use synonyms

. Embarking on the discussion, enforcing the culture of physical training and learning at a higher state during the early childhood days of any children, especially during their schooling days will keep them active by obliterating their sedentary

lifestyle

Use synonyms

In addition

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this

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amendment will decrease the

overall

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admission proportion of the public enrolling themselves in healthcare organizations in order to get treated for their perilous life-threatening conditions arising from being overweight.

Consequently

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, the rising strain on the health-aide society will be diminished, turning it into a more sustainable environment.

For example

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, schools in China have the highest amount of time allotted to the physical education of their kids making them the healthiest group of children in the world.

Furthermore

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, promoting the habit of gaining higher physical education will cultivate a norm of living a healthy and fit

lifestyle

Use synonyms

Additionally

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, more and more people will be aware of some exorbitant benefits of

this

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lifestyle

Use synonyms

indulging them to stick to

this

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way of living life forever.

As a result

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, it will improve the health of the general public over the span of decades ending up appreciating the reduction in demand of the healthcare system to support the community of these overweight populations as the amount of

such

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human beings will be decisively lower in the future.

For instance

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, as per a published report from the WHO, the world's population has become twice as healthy compared with the past century

due to

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opting for the trend of living a healthy

lifestyle

Use synonyms

. That being said, the ever-increasing levels of excessively weighted humans may impede the operations in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health-aide societies when compared to its optimal level and the pathway to mitigate

this

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concern is fostering an option of physical education at high standards considering it imperative in educational organisations as it will reduce the admission rate of the public in the hospitals

due to

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their obesity-affected conditions

along with

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that it will motivate the communities to preach a culture of living fit and ailment-free life.

pabhi919Tue Feb 04 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each main point is clearly linked to the thesis statement in the introduction to strengthen coherence.

coherence and cohesion

While your conclusion summarizes the main points, it can be more impactful if you restate the thesis clearly at the end.

task achievement

Some phrases could be simplified for clarity. For instance, 'obliterating their sedentary lifestyle' could be rephrased to 'reducing sedentary habits'.

task achievement

Consider more varied sentence structures to enhance the overall fluency and readability of the essay.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides relevant examples to support the argument.

task achievement

The use of specific examples, such as schools in China and the WHO report, effectively supports your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

436 words

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Should standardized testing be the primary method to assess educational achievement globally?

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities.Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.