IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think technology is now an invaluable study tool for young people. Others, however, believe that it is harmful to the studying process. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #technology #study #tool #process
Technology has infiltrated almost all aspects of our lives, immensely integrated with the educational system. Whilst certain individuals claim that technological
tools
 bear a pivotal significance for juveniles to generate better results at schools, other people view
this
 change as a threat to the existing studying methodology. It is my own contention that the usefulness of a digital tool is predominantly dependent on personal whims and preferences, creating value or anti-value. First and foremost, technology has morphed into an indispensable part of present education centres by boosting the efficiency of teaching methods. Previously, children did not have the privilege of watching their study materials from distanced locations, heavily relying on physical presence. As opposed to that schoolers can now access their daily lessons and exercises with the help of their digital
tools
.
Furthermore
, when the learning topics are challenging and demand continuous repetition for youngsters to grasp, a variety of digital solutions can be recalled for assistance and help.
For example
, websites like YouTube and Quora are amongst the most frequently visited applications that furnish a better illustration or explanation of real cases by another expert,
consequently
, saving a huge amount of idle time and inconsistency.
On the other hand
, not everyone is interested in putting these learning
tools
 to good use to have high grades as a bypass product. It is prevalent for parents to purchase a personal phone for their kids to communicate and use to gather information via the internet.
Moreover
, some students misuse these
tools
, wasting their precious time and compelling children to go outside and look for you guys during the middle of the night. As an example, many people at universities attempt to smuggle high technology
tools
 to cheat in the exams,
instead
 of studying excessively. In conclusion,
although
 a few individuals will always try to misuse
this
 equipment, people with right a mind will pull off substantial results.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction clearly outlines the discussion points that will be covered in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more cohesive transitions between paragraphs. This includes the use of linking phrases and ensuring each paragraph flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the main point and enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points discussed and states your opinion more decisively to provide closure to the essay.
task achievement
Address the task fully by covering both sides of the argument thoroughly. While both views and your opinion are present, delve deeper into each perspective for a more developed response.
task achievement
The examples provided should be more specific and directly linked to the argument. Replace vague statements with precise, detailed examples to support your points more convincingly.
task achievement
Refrain from using overly informal language or colloquial expressions in a formal essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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