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Writing Samples
Band 6

These days, many children are not interested doing sports. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

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Today, a lot of
children
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 are not motivating doing
sports
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.
This
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 is mainly because
children
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 have too much
of
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apply
show examples
homework
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 , and
parents
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 focus more on
academics
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. There are a number of solutions that can be taken to tackle
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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,
schools
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 give too much
homework
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 to the
children
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.
In other words
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,
children
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 do not have time to do any sort of
sports
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 because they have to do
homework
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.
For example
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, In Saudi Arabia, many
children
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 go to school from 7AM until 4PM, and they have to do
homework
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 after they arrive home.
As a result
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, they cannot do any
sports
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 because they get tired.
Secondly
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, many
parents
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 focus more on
academics
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, so
children
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 have to study more.
That is
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 to say,
children
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 cannot do anything just focus on their academic life. There are two effective solutions that can be taken to deal with
this
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 issue. One way is that
schools
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 should reduce the amount of
homework
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, and classes, and should come up with activities related to
sports
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 after school. To put it simply, If
schools
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 reduce classes and
homework
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,
children
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 have some time to do some exercise.
For instance
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,
schoolsschool
Correct your spelling
schools
 can put some activities between classes
such
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 as football, tennis, and other kinds of
sports
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 to encourage them to do some
sports
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. Another method is that
parents
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 should encourage their
children
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 to take up some sort of sport,
such
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 as yoga and taekwondo
instead
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 of focusing more on
academics
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.
To sum up
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, reducing the amount of
homework
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 and not focusing more on
academics
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 are effective in dealing with
this
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 dilemma. If
schools
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 and
parents
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 implemented these solutions, the number of
children
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 who do
sports
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 would increase.

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task achievement
Consider revising your thesis statement to make it clearer and more direct. Instead of vague phrases, use specific language to articulate the problem and your solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. Use linking phrases that clearly connect the sections of your argument.
task achievement
You provided a clear identification of causes and solutions regarding children's lack of interest in sports, which is a central part of the task.
task achievement
The examples from Saudi Arabia demonstrate an understanding of the real-world context of the issue, adding depth to your argument.
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