IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

‏Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. ‏Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? ‏Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent times the use of the
internet
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 has increased. Many
people
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 buy
items
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 from the
internet
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. I think that the merits of shopping on the
Internet
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 overpower the demerits.
This
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 essay will outline the advantages and disadvantages of buying things from the
Internet
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. On the one hand, there are many advantages to buying
items
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 from the
Internet
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. The first advantage is time-consuming.
People
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 may spend less time on shopping rather than going to crowded shops.
For example
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, my uncle used to buy clothes from famous programs like Shein and Temu
due to
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 his busy schedule.
Thus
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, he boosts the balance in his work and personal life. Another advantage to be considered is the low price. There are many offers and discounts which encourage
people
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 to buy online shopping.
For instance
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, on block Friday there are huge discounts on various
items
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such
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 as furniture, food and clothes.
As a result
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,
people
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 are motivated to buy those things at lower prices.
On the other hand
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, there are frequent disadvantages to online shopping.
Firstly
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, some
people
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 complain about the fake
items
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. They receive
items
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 of bad quality , not like the same picture. A good example here is the result of conducted research at Glasgow University illustrates that 80% of
people
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 who buy
items
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 from the
Internet
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 are not satisfied with the quality of
items
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.
Second,
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there are some programs that take too much time to receive their
items
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. They suffer that it takes more than 1 month to receive their
items
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. To illustrate, my friend bought from the CenterPoint program and she waited for more than 2 months. In conclusion, the
internet
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 plays a vital role in our lives. I agree that the beneficial impacts of online shopping are more than the detrimental ones.
Therefore
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 , there should be strict laws on online shopping to encourage
people
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 to buy from the
Internet
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.

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task achievement
Improve on the clarity of your ideas by expanding on your main points with more specific examples or further explanation.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by ensuring smooth transitions between the points discussed, and avoid repeated phrases such as 'items from the Internet' by varying your vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-defined introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The response addresses the task prompt adequately, discussing both advantages and disadvantages with relevant examples.
task achievement
The use of examples such as 'Shein and Temu' and 'block Friday' demonstrates personal experience and knowledge, adding credibility to your argument.
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