IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, sports stars earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that sports stars earn too much money, while others claim that they deserve their high salaries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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One of
Correct article usage
the profession
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profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
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 which
offering
Wrong verb form
offer
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 high
sallary
Correct your spelling
salary
 is
professional
Add an article
a professional
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athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
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. Some people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
this
Linking Words
 job
achieve
Correct subject-verb agreement
achieves
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 payments above standard,
others
Correct word choice
while others
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 argue they deserve to get a lot of money
from
Change preposition
for
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 their hard work.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives and give my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, it cannot be denied
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 athletes produce high
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
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 because of their hard work.
However
Linking Words
, their contributions relatively have minimum impacts
to
Change preposition
on
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 society, so that's why their
sallaries
Correct your spelling
salaries
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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 appropriate rather
than
Change preposition
to
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another professions
Replace the adjective
another profession
other professions
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 who
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
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 directly
to
Change preposition
in
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a communities
Correct the article-noun agreement
communities
a community
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such
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 as
a doctors
Correct the article-noun agreement
a doctor
doctors
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. Doctors have
significantly
Change the word
significant
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affects
Correct your spelling
effects
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 on dwellers by
give
Change the verb form
giving
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consultation
Fix the agreement mistake
consultations
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 about health care and medicine,
therefore
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this
Linking Words
 job is worthy to gain more compensation.
On the other hand
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,
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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international athletes
wage
Correct subject-verb agreement
wages
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 not the only
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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 why they proper to acquire it,
while
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 the responsibilities on their
shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
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 as country delegation
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the main part
on
Change preposition
of
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 their ante. They compete in world competitions should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gradually exercise, make sure they have good health, and maintain food patterns for best achievement.
For Instance
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, Indonesia as a winner at
Thomas
Correct article usage
the Thomas
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 Cup 2020 in
Bulutangkis
Correct article usage
the Bulutangkis
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 match was
pride resourced
Add a hyphen
pride-resourced
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 should be appreciated, and all of
players
Add an article
the players
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 were suitable to
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 great revenue. Most of them endured some illness, accidents,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 rags
their
Change preposition
of their
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 ACL during performance. Thereby some of them necessary to
accepted
Wrong verb form
accept
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sallary
Correct your spelling
salary
 based on their fight.
To
Change preposition
In
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 conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 world players
less
Add a missing verb
have less
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 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 communities directly,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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we should remember if they are valuable state assets and able to provide a good image for a country.

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task achievement
Improve clarity by refining thesis statement in the introduction to better state your position. Consider rephrasing 'this job achieve payments above standard' to 'this job receives payments that exceed standard levels. '
coherence and cohesion
Add transition words or phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, use 'Furthermore,' or 'Additionally,' to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct spelling in sentences. For instance, 'sallary' should be spelled 'salary' and 'profession' should be pluralized as 'professions'.
task achievement
You successfully identified and presented both perspectives on the issue, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the reference to the Thomas Cup and its relevance to athletes' salaries, illustrates your points well.
task achievement
Effort to compare different professions adds depth to your argument, engaging with the topic critically.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • disproportionate
  • essential service providers
  • societal benefits
  • income inequality
  • economic value
  • ticket sales
  • merchandise
  • sponsorships
  • job creation
  • rigorous training
  • health risks
  • financial stability
  • entertainment factor
  • global following
  • command high salaries
What to do next:
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