IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people support modern developemts in agriculture such as factory farming to grow new types of food and vegetables. Discuss both view and give your opinoin.

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It is undeniably true that industrialized farming has become widespread in recent years. Some people concur that
this
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 is the best method to fertilize different types of
food
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,
while
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 others argue that it has severe ethical and environmental consequences. The essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. At the onset, there are a plethora of reasons why modern techniques of farming are beneficial. The top-notch concrete reason is that it will mitigate global hunger. As the population growing rapidly, the
food
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 demand is
also
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 upsurging. With the help of vertical farming, it is possible to grow
food
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 in large amounts and in more varieties in a short period of time, which directly supports the problem of
food
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 unavailability.
Moreover
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, factory farming allows modern agriculture techniques
such
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 as genetic modification and artificial feeding, that can lead to increased
food
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 production and reduce the risks of famine.
Additionally
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, at present, it has become possible to grow unseasonal fruits and vegetables throughout the year because of new scientific methods which had made it easier to create hot temperatures in the cold tropics. Needless to say, all these merits have a far-reaching impact on the entire society.
However
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, what is half full for some, may appear half empty to others. Critics,
on the other hand
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, consider that
this
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 process of farming is not only dangerous for animals but
also
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 for human health. The animals are often kept in the coincide places under stressful and unnatural conditions, leading to unethical concerns about animal welfare.
Besides
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, farm animals are given steroids and antibiotics to grow faster, which
also
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 enter the human body when they consume animal products
such
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 as chicken and beef and exacerbate health issues .
Additionally
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, it may have a detrimental effect on the environment too as inside farming contributes to deforestation, water pollution and greenhouse gas emissions. In my point of view,
although
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, the upgraded way of farming has brought numerous benefits including
food
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 sustainability, still its drawbacks outweigh the advantages as it is harmful to the
overall
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 community. In conclusion, what has been discussed above I can certainly conclude that a balanced approach to maintaining
food
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 security and living organisms safety is crucial in the matter of the latest method of farming.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument, and you effectively state your opinion. However, ensure that the thesis statement succinctly reflects your main argument more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
While the body paragraphs are mostly well-structured, consider improving the topic sentences to clearly indicate the main point of each paragraph. This will enhance the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant but could be more specific to better illustrate your points. For instance, when discussing the impact of modern farming on health, citing particular studies or statistics could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your main points but could benefit from a stronger restatement of your opinion, making it clear why the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured discussion, with clear paragraphs addressing both views and a personal opinion.
task achievement
You provide a good range of vocabulary and make effective use of complex sentences, which enhances the overall readability of the essay.
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