IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Nowadays many countries from all over the world have a decline in rural area population because of city migration. Some
people
 believe that
this
 is a positive and utility situation.
However
, it has drawbacks
as well as
 positive sides.
Therefore
 in
this
 essay, I will delve into both stances.
To begin
 with, living or migrating to big
cities
such
 as metropolises can be advantageous in every aspect. Since it gives a
lot
 of opportunities for
people
, especially for youngsters. As an example, the infrastructures of hospitals, schools, and traffic are undeniably more advanced than the rural areas.
In addition
,
people
 are more likely to seek a job there because of dozens of occasions.
As a result
 of that, In Turkey
people
 are migrating to big
cities
 from the countryside or suburbs.
However
, immigrating has tons of disadvantages. Because of moving
cities
, the rural area's population is steadily declining and
this
 has a
lot
 of side effects
such
 as a lack of young and a workforce.
Thus
, a
lot
 of companies are avoiding that kind of area
due to
 low profits and salaries. At the same time, big
cities
 are struggling with overpopulation and it causes dozens of huge problems.
For example
,
people
 are struggling to find a house,
also
, high rents, traffic congestion, low salaries, and poverty.
Consequently
, there is an imbalance in every aspect between rural areas and the big city.
This
 may cause a
lot
 of problems in the future.
Therefore
, governments should take precautions already to avoid problems.
Submitted by Ilgım on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction provides a suitable starting point for the essay, and a conclusion is present which is good. However, work on clearly signaling your opinion to ensure the reader is guided from introduction through to conclusion.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of your essay is fairly good, but transitions between ideas can be improved to provide a smoother reading experience. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices.
Supported Main Points
You have supported your main points with examples and explanation. However, specific examples are sparse, enhance them by incorporating more detailed and varied instances from real-life situations or reputable sources.
Complete Response
You have provided a relevant response to the task and elaborated on your ideas, which is positive. Ensure that you continue to address all parts of the prompt equally to maintain task balance.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Ideas are generally clear and the essay topic is comprehensively addressed, but strive for more depth and clarity by unpacking your main points more thoroughly.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Specific examples are somewhat relevant but lack depth. Use more precise and varied data to support your arguments and reflect a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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