IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourage young from taking part in any sport themselves

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In our contemporary era, there is considerable debate about the influence of direct persistent broadcast of
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 events.
while
Linking Words
 so citizens insist that
this
Linking Words
 will be an effective factor in obstructing young people from being athletics.In my opinion,
Iwould
Correct your spelling
I would
 argue that the covering of
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities for prolonged will drive youth to be energetic and active, mainly,
due to
Linking Words
 the effect of the observed role models. On one hand, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that some people assert
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that continuous watching for any
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 tournament will, undoubtedly, lead to discourage youth generations from practising
sport
Use synonyms
 by themselves.
This
Linking Words
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 of the fact that they feel excited and euphoric, as they follow the preferred championship.
Consequently
Linking Words
, time and effort are wasted,
due to
Linking Words
 the intimate
follow up
Add a hyphen
follow-up
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
Add an article
a
show examples
substantial proportion of youngsters will be addicted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 watching
sport
Use synonyms
 , rather than
plying
Correct your spelling
playing
show examples
 it.
For example
Linking Words
, a considerable ratio of high school students in the city of Baghdad
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to spend their leisure time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching seasonal football championships,
instead
Linking Words
 of engaging with
another players
Replace the adjective
another player
other players
show examples
 on the soccer field.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the overwhelming majority of young generations ,in our recent time, are drastically stimulated to be enrolled in a specific
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 training . Owing to the effect of the athletic public figures who are seen, mostly, on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activity coverage.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, youngsters commonly do their best to imitate the
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 techniques of the observed role models.
For instance
Linking Words
, in any high
shool
Correct your spelling
school
show examples
 football match, definitely, there are more than one player who
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 to
just
Add a missing verb
do just
show examples
 like Cristiano Ronaldo.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in spite of the view adopted by some, regarding the negative effect of watching
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
sport
Use synonyms
 activities on television. I see,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 will be an essential factor in stimulating young citizens to be
athletics
Change preposition
in athletics
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your thesis in the introduction and follow it through in your body paragraphs. Clarifying your stance will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas; for example, use linking phrases to connect thoughts more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Watch for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofreading could improve clarity and strengthen your writing significantly.
content
Good attempt to present arguments from both sides of the issue, showing critical thinking.
content
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: