IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A few individuals argue that the payments for humans who are professional sportsmen are too high,
while
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 others think that the salaries are fair.
This
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 essay will analyse both perspectives before presenting my own view, which is based on fairness regarding all salaries, that it is
also
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 a demanding job that deserves good compensation.
However
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, it is important to remember that there are other more challenging professions that may receive lower wages.
To begin
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 with, there are many professions,
such
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 as firefighters, doctors in clinics, police officers and so on, that earn very little, much less than celebrities and athletes. These types of jobs require focus and dedication, and to obtain them, one needs not only talent but
also
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 a vast amount of knowledge and experience.
For instance
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, the interview, which was taken from an elderly man named Peter Petrovich, who created a flat-screen TV and is a scientist, turned out to be homeless and had no salary.
On the other hand
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, a professional athlete must possess the ability to meet specific requirements and regulations,
as well as
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 strategies and techniques that not everyone has. A sports person risks their health, particularly their muscles and bones, to achieve their goals.
Additionally
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, it is very popular to create shows based on sports, fighting, wrestling, and running.
For example
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, research conducted by BBC News has shown that there is professional boxer Magomed Abdusalamov lost the ability to live a normal life after a fight where he took 300 powerful punches. Doctors said there was a blood clot in his skull that was too late to remove, as the bleeding wouldn’t stop. He became disabled and was paralyzed, but despite that, his wife didn’t leave him during difficult
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 and hoped for his quick recovery, making their relationship an example for many. In conclusion,
while
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 professional athletes face serious physical risks and need exceptional skills, it is important to note that many other jobs
also
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 require a lot of expertise and hard work, but pay much less. In my opinion, both views have their merits and drawbacks, but I believe that every profession deserves fair pay, as each one comes with its own set of challenges and demands.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your introduction to clearly state the two perspectives you will discuss. This can help guide the reader more effectively.
task achievement
You might want to provide a clearer explanation of how the examples you give relate to the salaries of athletes—linking them back to the argument about fairness in pay.
coherence and cohesion
While your conclusion summarizes your ideas, try to consolidate your viewpoint a bit more strongly to make it more definitive.
task achievement
Your examples, particularly the one about Magomed Abdusalamov, are powerful and effectively illustrate the risks athletes face, enhancing the overall argument.
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