A college asked its graduates to give a speech to current students about their professional careers and future opportunities. You would like to participate. Write a letter and say What you want to talk about Why you think students will be interested in it Suggest a suitable date and time for your speech

#college #graduates #speech #students #careers #future #opportunities #date #time

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Dear Sir/Madam, My name is Tajinder Singh, a

last

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-year graduate student of your college. I am writing

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letter to express my interest in the event where graduates are going to guide the undergraduates regarding their future careers.

Firstly

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, I am working as a project manager in a renowned company after completing a project management diploma in 2022.

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, I decided to do my presentation on the current opportunities related to

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stream.

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, I will explain the different pathways to achieve that target

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the required skills to accomplish that goal easily. Apart from that I will

also

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discuss the barriers, that I faced to find a job, which is not a part of any syllabus. So, I believe that attracts all participants in

this

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event. I can represent students on any Monday or Wednesday because I am free on those days. I would be grateful if you could provide me confirmed date and time as soon as possible through e-mail. So that I can prepare my speech. I look forward to your reply. Yours sincerely,

TajinderSingh

Correct your spelling

Rajinder Singh

Submitted by tajinder.panag on Thu Feb 22 2024

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Task Achievement

Add a more personalised introduction that not only introduces who you are in the context of the prompt but also briefly hints at the unique perspective or experience you plan to share. This slight adjustment could deepen the engagement from the beginning.

Coherence & Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases. While your organisation is clear, introducing phrases that explicitly signal contrast, addition, cause and effect, etc., could enhance the flow further.

Task Achievement

Though your writing tone is generally suitable, fine-tuning it to ensure it is consistently formal where appropriate, and perhaps adding a touch of enthusiasm or passion about the subject matter, could make your letter even more compelling.

7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

7 paragraphs

179 words

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