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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people have advocated for a decrease in the time that people spend watching television. Why do you think they hold this opinion? What can be done to reduce the time that people, especially children, spend in front of television screens?

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Introduction
Although
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 people used to spend a big proportion of their
time
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 watching
TV
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 shows,
this
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 trend is in a constant decrease nowadays. Spending too much
time
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 in front of
TV
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content
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 poses a formidable threat to youngsters, depreciating their
time
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 value and health. I uphold the view that the substitution of
this
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 habit with a prolific one may eventually halt the
time
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 spent watching
television
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, the human eye is known to be the worst affected physical organ
as a result
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 of years of exposure to
television
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. To set an example, during the early 2000s, the number of patients with degraded eyesight issues skyrocketed
due to
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 overindulging in
TV
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 programs, reaching an all-
time
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 high.
Moreover
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, watching an excessive amount of
television
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 can
also
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 distract people from reality by instilling and brainwashing the target audience with perilous
content
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.
For example
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, certain
TV
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 programs
such
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 as legacy media outlets are infamous for displaying inappropriate
content
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 that can set a wrong example for young viewers.
Body paragraph 2
On the flip side, some proactive measures can be taken into account in order to shrink the average
television
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 screen
time
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 spent by juveniles. As a first step, alternative habits should be developed and exercised by children's parents to discourage them from consuming
television
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content
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. Healthy habits
such
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 as engaging in outdoor games, reading books or socializing can play a crucial role in developing essential soft and social skills in children.
Secondly
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, early programming the youth might
also
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 be a prudent action to teaching them how to forswear watching useless
TV
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 programs and pursuing a similar life forward.
Conclusion
In conclusion, parents play a crucial role in educating their kids in controlling their habits which will dramatically decrease the screen
time
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 and damage caused to the eyesight.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea. Some points made in the essay could benefit from more specific examples and elaboration to strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state your position on the question to provide a roadmap for the reader. While some response to the topic is visible, you should ensure that each part of the prompt is fully addressed with relevant examples and details for a higher score.
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