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Writing Samples
Band 6

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantage of this is outweigh the Like disadvantages?

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One
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 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the rising requirement for
gas
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 and
oil
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. It is undeniable that
people
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 need new sources and it has become an essential part of our life.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement on
this
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 issue, as some
people
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 discover new
areas
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 beneficial,
while
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 others consider it unnecessary and harmful to the environment. Surely, there are pros and cons to
this
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,but I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
One
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 of the main positives of mining
oil
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 and
gas
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 in new
areas
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 is that
people
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 need these resources for their lives.
Oil
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 and
gas
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 are useful in the world and
this
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 is a necessity for cars.
For example
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,
oil
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 and
gas
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 demand for cars, trains, buses and plains so that
people
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 can move around, without these resources
one
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 cannot drive transport. Another advantage is that humans use more
gas
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 and
oil
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due
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apply
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to keep warming in the room. Sometimes
one
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 does not have enough resources and has to extract in new locations.
This
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 plays a crucial role for the population, and without
this
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 will not be enough in the future. Turning to the other side of the argument,
one
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 major drawback of extracting
oil
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 and
gas
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 in new territory is that factories can harm the environment. Factories have more terrible gases, which demolition our atmosphere, especially it deforestation of new
areas
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.
This
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 could lead to factories and even a dislike of the population.Another major advantage is that mining
gas
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 and
oil
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,
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apply
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 is basically located in natural
areas
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. It is awful for animals. Humans always forget about territory animals and appropriating themselves, reducing their habitat.
For instance
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, these gases can highlight poisonous
gas
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, which leads to extinction. Having weighed everything mentioned, we can come to the conclusion that the advantages of extracting
oil
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 and
gas
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 in new
areas
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 outweigh the disadvantages.
While
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 there are challenges, especially concerning the population it may be necessary for life, but
also
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 it harms nature.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples and improve the depth of analysis for your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your transitions between ideas are smoother to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
You've done a good job in presenting both sides of the argument, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear context for the discussion, outlining both the necessity and the debate surrounding the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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