IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Shopping has played a key role in people's lives from an early age. Purchasing has been substituted with a means of entertainment. Thanks to the rise of cutting-edge technology, All branches as well as consumerism have been enhanced. Despite the fact that it has good sides, I firmly concur that the downsides outweigh the advantages.

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Introduction: In today’s consumer-driven society, shopping is no longer merely a necessity but has evolved into a popular leisure activity.
This
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 shift is largely fueled by aggressive marketing, social media influence, and advancements in the retail industry.
While
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 some argue that
this
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 trend has positive aspects, I firmly believe that its negative consequences,
such
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 as financial instability and excessive materialism, outweigh the benefits. Body Paragraph 1 (Reasons): One of the main reasons behind
this
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 transformation is the omnipresence of advertising. Companies strategically employ celebrity endorsements and targeted ads to manipulate consumer behavior, making people believe that purchasing new products leads to happiness.
Furthermore
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, the rise of e-commerce and seamless payment options has made shopping more convenient, allowing individuals to indulge in impulsive spending without much consideration. Body Paragraph 2 (Negative Impact): Despite offering a temporary sense of joy, overconsumption has severe drawbacks.
Firstly
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, many individuals prioritize unnecessary purchases over essential expenses, leading to financial distress. A clear example is the increasing number of young adults accumulating debt
due to
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 excessive spending on luxury items.
Secondly
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, the growing trend of fast fashion and disposable products contributes to environmental degradation, as people discard items frequently to keep up with trends. Conclusion: In conclusion,
while
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 shopping as a form of entertainment may provide short-term pleasure, it has significant downsides, including financial instability and environmental harm.
Therefore
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, societies should promote mindful spending habits to ensure a sustainable and financially secure future.

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positive
Your introduction sets a clear context and presents your thesis effectively. This helps guide the reader through your arguments. Good job!
advice
Try to elaborate further on your main points in the body paragraphs. While your ideas are clear, providing more detailed explanations or examples for each could enhance your argumentation. For example, discuss how financial instability affects daily life or decision-making.
advice
Ensure that you link your ideas smoothly to improve overall flow. For example, transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs could strengthen the connections between thoughts.
positive
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and maintains focus throughout, which is commendable!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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