IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialize with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many individuals enjoy socializing with their
colleagues
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 from
work
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 during their free
time
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,
while
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 others believe in separating their
work
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 matters from their personal lives.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses both groups and
then
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 I will explain why being friends with
work
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colleagues
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 has more merits. On one hand, there are several reasons why people advocate going out with their professional
colleagues
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.
Firstly
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, they have the opportunity to strengthen their bonds outside of
work
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.
This
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 is because
relationships
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 at companies can be too shallow as they might not have enough
time
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 to deeply discuss personal experiences and preferences.
Secondly
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, they usually expand their social network.
This
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 is
due to
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 them leaving their social bubble and having more contact with different groups.
For instance
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, many marital relations are related to professional
relationships
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, either between themselves or because of a common acquaintance.
On the other hand
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, there are two main reasons why some individuals prefer to separate personal from professional
life
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. The first of these is related to privacy reasons.
This
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 is because, by restricting
work
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relationships
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,
work
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colleagues
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 do not have access to one's personal
life
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 and
relationships
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.
For instance
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, some people from
work
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 might gossip about their
colleagues
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 once they know about their
life
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 outside of
work
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.
Additionally
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, by setting boundaries between their job and their personal
time
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, workers can achieve better
life
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 balance.
This
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 is
due to
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 them being able to stop thinking about
work
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 problems and uncompleted tasks once they leave their workplace. In conclusion, I believe there are merits from both groups.
However
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, in my opinion, the benefits of having stronger
work
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relationships
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 and a larger social network outweigh the inconvenience of sometimes dealing with unbalanced
work
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 and personal
life
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.
Furthermore
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, in my opinion, organizing their free
time
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 between family and
colleagues
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 from
work
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 might enhance their lifestyle balance.

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Grammar and Style
To further improve your essay, consider varying your sentence structure more to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures. This can add sophistication to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to include a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. While your essay is well-structured, increasing the range of connectives can help with the smooth progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
While your essay provides relevant examples, embedding more detailed examples or citing specific studies could strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints and provides a clear personal stance, which is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented, helping to frame your arguments and summarise your viewpoint effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have done well in supporting your main points with reasons and examples, which enhances the overall coherence of your argument.
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