IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

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It has been argued by some individuals that humans do not need to rely on animal corp as a source of
food
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 anymore, as they believe in recent decades we could use technology and other sources for provision.
While
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 they might be right to some certain point, I do not tend to agree with
this
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 statement at all.
To begin
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 with, in fact, modern technology has allowed us to become independent from
animals
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 in many different ways
such
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 as making drugs, clothing and even
food
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 to some point.
For instance
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, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
polyesters were invented the usage of animal skin dropped significantly and using advanced labs gave us drugs that we used to harvest from
animals
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 like insulin from cows.
However
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, none of the reasons above is enough to justify the statement, because beasts still count as the biggest
food
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 sources for us.
Moreover
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, the population should
also
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 be considered for
such
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 claims. In detail, if we look at the patterns of population growth and compare it with prevision funds other than
animals
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, we would notice that those sources can not meet the demands of humans even at the present time. Actually, agricultural products form a huge proportion of human provision after meat but people are not able to rely on them as the main source.
This
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 is mainly because agricultural lands are limited and can only manage a small number of people.
In addition
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, methods like lab-grown meat can not perform mass production
due to
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 the lack of proper tech and high costs.
To conclude
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,
while
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 I am informed about the alternative methods for meeting human needs for
food
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, I still believe they are not advanced or vast enough to answer the demand of the earth's population,
thus
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 individuals should still use
animals
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 at least for provision purposes and other demands
such
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 as clothing and medicine are mostly manageable using labs and technology.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer argument in your introduction that directly addresses the topic and your position. Make sure your thesis statement is explicit.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the flow between paragraphs by using more linking phrases or words to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, include a more detailed explanation or analysis of your points to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the use of polyesters and lab-grown meat.
coherence and cohesion
Your structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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