IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

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There is an ongoing debate on whether government funding should prioritize preventing
diseases
Use synonyms
 rather than treating illnesses.
While
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prevention
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 significantly reduces
healthcare
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 costs and enhances public well-being,
treatment
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 remains indispensable for managing chronic
diseases
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 and medical emergencies.
This
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 essay argues that
although
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 preventive measures yield substantial benefits, a balanced approach is necessary to ensure comprehensive
healthcare
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. A strong focus on preventive
healthcare
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 can significantly reduce the burden on
healthcare
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 systems and improve public
health
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 outcomes.
For instance
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, the World
Health
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 Organization (WHO) reports that nearly 80% of heart disease, stroke, and type 2 diabetes cases could be prevented through lifestyle changes,
such
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 as maintaining a balanced diet and engaging in regular physical activity. Countries with comprehensive vaccination programs,
such
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 as the United Kingdom, have successfully eradicated
diseases
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 like polio, showcasing the effectiveness of early intervention.
Additionally
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, a study by the Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention
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 (CDC) found that every $1 invested in preventive programs saves $5 in long-term
healthcare
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 costs, demonstrating the economic efficiency of
prevention
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.
However
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, despite the undeniable benefits of preventive
healthcare
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, medical
treatment
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 remains essential, particularly for chronic and genetic conditions that cannot be prevented.
For example
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, even with widespread
health
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 awareness campaigns, millions of individuals still require specialized
treatment
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 for cancer, autoimmune
diseases
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, and mental
health
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 disorders. Advanced medical interventions,
such
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 as chemotherapy and organ transplants, have significantly increased life expectancy and quality of life for patients with severe illnesses.
Moreover
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, emergency medical services are critical for managing accidents, infectious
diseases
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, and outbreaks,
such
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 as the COVID-19 pandemic, which
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 rapid pharmaceutical advancements and hospital resources. In conclusion,
while
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 preventive
healthcare
Use synonyms
 offers substantial long-term benefits, governments must
also
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 allocate resources to curative and emergency care to ensure a well-functioning
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system. A balanced approach, where
prevention
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 and
treatment
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 receive proportional funding, will ultimately lead to better
health
Use synonyms
 outcomes and economic savings.

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conclusion enhancement
Consider elaborating more on the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. This can give a stronger sense of closure to your argument.
introduction improvement
In the introduction, clearly state your position more assertively to enhance the clarity of your stance on the issue.
quality of content
The essay provides well-researched examples and data to support claims, demonstrating a solid grasp of the topic.
coherence
Logical progression of ideas, with effective use of paragraphs to separate different arguments, makes the essay easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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