IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centre or malls to do their shopping Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Customers prefer to do their shopping from malls or large shopping outlets
due to
Linking Words
 which the majority of small local
stores
Use synonyms
 have closed in recent years.
Linking Words
According to
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my point of view
this
Linking Words
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
negative trend as it
effect
Verb problem
affects
show examples
 the
budget
Use synonyms
 of
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 people and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increases the unemployment rate. To commence with, it
effect
Verb problem
affects
show examples
 the
budget
Use synonyms
 of many low earners. Every individual cannot be able to
afford
Add the particle
afford to
show examples
 do their shopping from large shopping complexes because they have low income. As, every item in big
stores
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more prices as compared to small shops,
so that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their
budget
Use synonyms
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not allow them.
For example
Linking Words
,
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted by
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
 York Times in 2018 after the establishment of shopping outlets 67% low earning people do their shopping only twice a year
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 4 times
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a year from local
stores
Use synonyms
. Another factor is increasing
umemplyement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
. Local businesses have been demolished after the establishment of large shopping centres. Women are more
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend as they have more access to run their businesses from home but
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
development
Add a comma
development,
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 they have to shut down their
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a report
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
published by Hindustan Times in 2019 says that 55%
females
Change preposition
of females
show examples
 lost their jobs because they did not have enough customers after building the big shopping
stores
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of large shopping centres is a negative development as it increases the unemployment rate and
effect
Verb problem
affects
show examples
 the
budget
Use synonyms
 of
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 households.

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general
Ensure to proofread your work for grammatical accuracy and clarity. For example, phrases like 'do their shopping from malls' could be improved to 'do their shopping at malls'.
content
Provide more detailed examples and explanations for your points, particularly in discussing the impact on the budget and unemployment.
content
Consider developing your ideas further, such as discussing potential solutions or counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.
content
The essay clearly states an opinion on the topic, indicating a clear position.
structure
The structure is logical with clear paragraphs dedicated to separate points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer habits
  • retail landscape
  • variety
  • convenience
  • employment opportunities
  • local economy
  • facilities
  • extract
  • community feel
  • entrepreneurship
  • economic diversity
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental issues
What to do next:
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