IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

3rd - The only reason why people work is to earn money, there aren’t any other reasons for working. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s world, the motivations of people’s dedication to
work
Use synonyms
 have sparked considerable debate. Some people believe that financial gain is the sole
drive
Replace the word
driving
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 force,
while
Linking Words
 others contend that personal fulfilment and values
also
Linking Words
 play significant roles.
While
Linking Words
 both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
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 hold merit, I firmly agree that the desire to earn money is a primary reason for
individuals
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 hard. One of the most compelling reasons for
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint is the need to achieve financial security in
current
Add an article
the current
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 situation where all living expenses are rising. The ever-increasing inflation rate has made basic necessities like food, shelter, healthcare,
education
Correct word choice
and education
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 increasingly expensive. To meet these rising costs and maintain a comfortable standard of living,
individuals
Use synonyms
 often feel pressured to
work
Use synonyms
 diligently and secure a stable financial foundation.
Linking Words
This
Add a verb
This is
This was
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 particularly true for those with families, as they shoulder the responsibility of providing for their dependents.
For instance
Linking Words
, many parents dedicate long hours to their jobs, sacrificing personal time to ensure their children’s well-being and future prospects.
This
Linking Words
 dedication to financial stability demonstrates the crucial role money plays in achieving a secure and comfortable life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the pursuit of personal ambition and materialistic desires
also
Linking Words
 drives
individuals
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 hard. Many people find satisfaction in achieving specific financial goals, viewing material possessions as tangible markers of success and achievement.
For example
Linking Words
, entrepreneurs and business professionals often
work
Use synonyms
 long hours and take on additional projects to increase their income and afford cherished items like luxury cars, high-end accessories, or a dream house.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 determination reinforces the link between hard
work
Use synonyms
 and the attainment of financial rewards. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the other factors may play a role, the desire to earn more money remains a primary motivator for
individuals
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in today’s
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction presents the issue clearly, but consider providing a brief outline of the main points you will discuss. This helps set reader expectations right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to double-check for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing in your essay. For example, 'the sole drive force' should be 'the sole driving force'. Such minor inaccuracies can affect the overall clarity of your argument.
task achievement
In the conclusion, you mention 'the other factors may play a role'. It would strengthen your argument if you specify what those factors are, even if just briefly, to give a more rounded perspective.
task achievement
You provide strong arguments supported by relevant examples, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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