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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
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The given diagram explains how a species known as a
salmon
Use synonyms
 has circle of life.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are three stages in the process , beginning with the fry of
salmon
Use synonyms
 and culminating in adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 phase.
To begin
Linking Words
, there are the amount of reeds with small stones in a river, where there have been
salmon
Use synonyms
eggs
Use synonyms
.
Salmon
Use synonyms
eggs
Use synonyms
 are located in roots of the reeds. At the same time, reeds
also
Linking Words
 slowly move through upper river. After passing about 5-6 months,
salmon
Use synonyms
eggs
Use synonyms
 turn into fry form, which has 3-8cm long.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, fris move to lower river, which has fast flowing, and they stay and live approxiamately 4 years there in order to grow up themselves. In the subsequent stage, fries develop to
further
Linking Words
 fish called smolt, ranging from 12 to 15cm lengths.
Next,
Linking Words
smolts migrate to a open sea. Once they get around about 5 years, they react to 70-76cm extends, which named as a adult
salmon
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, adult salmons return to area in which they have been birth to leave their
eggs
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, eggs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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